Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Cutlery Chasing Me

Serena bustles about getting Will a plate and shooting Eric the big eye, but Eric is not interested in that mess. "He left when I was two. The man's a total stranger to me," he says, and Serena tells him to give Will a chance and then tells Rufus to scoot the fuck over so she can sit next to her dad and Rufus stares up at her wetly because A) His brain works slow and B) He can get offended by anything and C) Will's existence is an insult to him so intense that any amount of shitty behavior is now on the table, because that's the kind of little bitch Rufus Humphrey is. So then Serena has to be like, "Um, please move?" Exhausting. These people are exhausting.

To some weird fucking music or I don't recognize the reference, Blair heads over to the Upper West Side because she wants to watch Nate's lacrosse game at Columbia -- "So if you could make sure that there's a seat for me in VIP, preferably next to an injured cute player, but not one on scholarship..." -- and explains that listening to the sad young NYU men and women planning their apartments for next year is too depressing, and that her Minions have invited her to come live with them "in a postwar building -- on a street that's not even numbered, it's lettered -- and its big selling point is that it's above a falafel stand" -- and this is also depressing.

The music is oppressive. I wish I knew what it was doing. Is it like Love Story? Right era, wrong story. And later on the music sounds like Deer Hunter, which is more confusing. This could just be a Mancini pastiche -- it's definitely original, it responds like score to Blair's changes in mood -- but I still don't know why it's there. Maybe we're seeing an evolution of Blair's self-image? This is what her life now sounds like, or at least she is so determined? Anyway, at this point in the conversation Nate literally wanders away mumbling.

Those Columbia girls from the fashion show appear and look like an '80s movie, and tell her about their apartment for next year, of which Blair would "totally approve," because it is pre-war, has a doorman, and is getting a Fauchon next door, so they can throw up a higher class of macaron, and she asks them their thoughts on falafel. "Isn't that the kind of food paralegals eat?" Then the girls start shitting themselves about how what if Blair moved to the UWS and attended Columbia, and like the total psycho that she is, Blair blurts out, "...IT'S TRUE! I'm a COLUMBIA GIRL now!" They're so excited. She's so fucking nuts.

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Gossip Girl

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