That song starts playing again when she says that, and it's awesome. Dan shows up to harass Vanessa about her CNN job, and she mealy-mouths about how she was going to tell him about it or something but then this morning she was going to tell him or something but then she just decided not to because he was being such a huge fucking whining baby about everything and so she decided to wait a minute, so now that's also a problem. Why? Because luuuuuv. No, barf. That is not a good reason. So then they immediately jump sixty steps to, "Wow, are we breaking up?" No, you're not. You're college freshmen. None of this is actually happening anyway.
Lily sides with Rufus against Serena -- dumb -- while she stands around in the very flower of health, and Rufus manages to awkwardly mention the problem he's having with Will's existence one more time, making reference to the shitty Nancy Meyers movies and not the old good ones, and Lily laughs sort of hysterically like it's funny, and then her dialogue stops making sense. In rapid succession she goes, "...He's the father of the patient's children! ...I'm the one that told William to stay away if he couldn't make good on the promises he made to the children! ...But if William wants to move in to be closer to the kids, I'm not gonna stand in his way!" She literally says those three sentences in order, like they don't totally contradict each other. Maybe it's the Illness making her do that. Anyway, Rufus calls Holland, his downstairs neighbor-buddy, and asks her to sandbag Will's co-op application, so that Lily will, I guess, have even more reasons to leave him. He rides her dick so hard this whole episode that it's like insulting, and then he gets all crazy-face when she tells him to fuck off. So classic.
"...And the social scene at NYU was criminal! Ten freshmen, a keg and a tub of hummus on a card table isn't a party, it's a tragedy." Blair gets a text and the girls cream themselves for getting to see Blair Waldorf get a text, but the text is only S whining about Little J getting the room after all. "Jenny can't do that to Serena van Der Woodsen!" They scream and shout and weird themselves out, but Blair's like, "It's between Serena and Jenny? Anyway, I've had some recent bad luck getting involved in real estate disputes," she grins. (Too soon, B!) She tries to change the subject, and they start making fun of her immediately about how she was "over" the second she went to NYU, and that it won't matter if she does transfer.