B says by way of comparison that Dan probably doesn't relish thoughts of S and Aaron, and S stays quiet doing her nails, and then Blair -- who I remind you has had sex maybe five times, with not one but two dudes who are gayer than actual gay dudes, ever, and so of course she's authority -- plunges into total liardom. "Why not? He's hot [wrong], and you actually like him [wrong]. How often do you find that in the same guy?" (Duh, for Serena that is the same thing, which is why Serena is awesome.) S explains that she doesn't want to risk it or some shit, and B's like, "Well, I've never met a situation that wasn't drastically improved by meaningless and petty competition, so maybe you should fuck Aaron just to even the score with Dan?" S agrees with this insane logic, of course, because who is better at dating than the Dowager Blair? Almost anyone on Earth, but not Serena van der Woodsen.

Jenny walks into the gallery coffeeshop, and Vanessa's like, "What, you're gonna kill me and put me in that garment bag?" Would that you did, Little J, before I found a place in my heart for Vanessa Abrams! The world would be a brighter place! Jenny tells her she was up all night making the dress before she realized it was for Vanessa, and Vanessa tries to... I don't know what, exactly, but it involves a hugely scrunched-up face, and Jenny again makes the Blair face of "I am careening out of control but I can't stop myself!" and makes her try on the naked dress.

Blair paces, screaming at Dorota about how their asses are on the line now and Dorota's considerable PI skills are just not up to par. "Kristin Curran is the loosest girl in our class! Don't you know that Chuck doesn't like his fruit pre-picked?" Dorota protests that Kristin Curran has long hair, which symbolizes something in Poland, but Blair keeps on shrieking. "And Elizabeth Phillips? Is somewhere between Mormon and moron! How did you come up with these?" Dorota explains that she's joined some Facebook groups, hilariously, and B's like, Look. "This has to be Chuck's dream girl. Intelligent but not a bookworm, strong-willed but still feminine. An equal. And he likes brunettes, with deep brown eyes." Dorota looks at her all, "listen, crazy," but explains that B's describing herself, obviously, and B shouts and offers much in the way of threats. "Please! I don't want to shine Mr. Chuck's shoes for month..." B offers a scary aside that, yes, "shoes" if she's lucky, and Dorota tap-tap-taps away, utterly terrified.