Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Clone High

Every shot of Aaron/Serena focuses first on the Serena image, then pulls out. This time maybe it's meaningful: her hair over face, with sunglasses/blinders over the Cousin Ittness of that. Aaron begs her to give Lexi a chance, and shoots puppydogs at her with such intensity that she's able to turn off every fight-or-flight response her brain is capable of creating long enough to lie and say she will. She is superhuman... And presses the advantage, getting Aaron to finally ask her to the dance. Right, because Dan was just going to be going stag anyway, so that's fine. They kiss, and Lexi comes running in abruptly yelling, "So, new plan for tonight. Dan here has agreed to give me a walking tour of Brooklyn and I thought it might be fun for the four of us to hang out, get to know each other?" [Nervous giggle.] I mean, unless the two of you guys want to hang out alone..." Awesomely, this whole annoying chirpy speech is accompanied by a frenzied succession of people looking at each other's faces desperately trying to communicate telepathically. Aaron looks at Dan and Dan looks at Serena and Serena looks at Aaron and then Lexi and then Dan and Dan looks back at Serena and Serena looks at Aaron... It's like watching an entire episode of The Hills on fast-forward. Finally Serena hilariously goes, "No, no. SOUNDS GREAT, LEXI." Serena's hate vibes go caroming off every surface, and Dan's like, "Wait, what happened?"

Vanessa drops by L'Atelier de Petite J, where she is received with perhaps less friendliness than she was expecting. Jenny goes from quiet sulky to brightly shining harpy in about five seconds, and it's amazing. For many reasons, most of all being the fact that the crosstalk in this scene is more natural and engaging than most of the arguments on this show. It's either just better-rehearsed than normal or Jessica Szhroffdskef56r is secretly as good an actor as Taylor Momsen. If you're into line readings and these sorts of scenes, it's a movable feast. Jenny's point is that Vanessa is not only a total liar who knew the truth and said nothing, but also a dick for making her feel guilty about kissing Nate at the Guerilla Fashion Show, and Vanessa's point is that Jenny was Nate-kissing long before Vanessa thought to do it behind her back. I just love that either of these idiots thinks this drama is worthwhile. Anyway, V calls Jenny "jealous," which she is, and Jenny calls Vanessa "desperate," which is like not even worth bringing up, really, because it's her one mode. Vanessa embodies desperation. To prove it, she runs off, tossing a whole "Well I'm going to the Ball with Nate," which would be a lame flounce if not for the fact that "Also I sabotaged your relationship like an insane mail bomber" is the thing she didn't say.

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Gossip Girl

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