Gossip Girl
It's Really Complicated

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 151 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
You're More Than In My Head

Bart: "I was thinking about murdering the shit out of you."
Lily: "For real? That's so weird because I was thinking about going to Miraval. Which sounds made up maybe, but is definitely far far away."
Bart: "I'll be up shortly. After I stand around from various angles, posing like a bad guy, as the flames rise. RISE!"

IN BED WITH SAGE, WHO IS A YOUNG GIRL

Nate: "I committed fraud and now I am beholden to that guy you and I hacked earlier."
Sage: "I don't care. At all."
Nate: "But I really feel weird about it, because Chuck is the Blair to my Serena and I love him more than anybody. Especially Dan."
Sage: "No, like I literally don't care. Ethics are for other people. Don't worry about it."
Nate: "Wait ten seconds and I'll forget what I was even talking about."

She does. He does. Nobody cares. Speaking of:

DUMBO

Rufus: "[The usual Rufus head-shaking judgy bullshit. Like, Dan is right that those people are vultures, but also wrong because everybody is wrong all the time because only Rufus is ever right about anything.]"
Dan: "[Whatever incomprehensible thing about how he is turning evil and that will make everybody win, and also once again Bart Bass is less of a pussy than Rufus, and also shut up Rufus.]"
Rufus: "Congratulations... On being an ass. Now, get back to Brooklyn so we can get our -- some might say inevitable -- Grey Gardens downward spiral underway."

Dan, verbatim: "What I want isn't in Brooklyn, Dad. I have a plan. I have this whole time. And it's working."

But again, to be fair, he seems almost as alarmed by himself as I have been for this entire show, which is an improvement. Like Blair, ridin' that pony that is her insanity, never quite sure if it's been gentled or just biding its Dude Ranch time.

EMPIRE

Charles: "Dammit Lily, haven't you stepmothered me enough tonight?"
Lily: "Charles, obviously I was lying to you. I'm sorry I have been such an idiot, but you were right this whole time, and you rock. I'm actually leaving the country to get away from him, is how scared I am."
Charles: "Did he do the thing with the fireplace and the..."
Lily: "Yeah. Anyway, I wanted to give you the heads up that I memorized that 'microfilm' before I burned it, with the help of a jeweler's loupe -- and the new mind powers I've received courtesy of a magical dwarven wizard that lives in the roots of a great oak tree in Central Park, pretty close to Strawberry Fields, you can see it from the Dakota, name of Berkner Flickadik, real nice guy -- and I'm going to be emailing that to you. With my new mind powers, from this limo. So be on the lookout for that. Love, Mommy."

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Gossip Girl

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