Gossip Girl
It's Really Complicated

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 157 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
You're More Than In My Head

Rufus, literally: "Women like Lily and Serena are never gonna respect guys like us. All the love songs I wrote Lily made no difference. Poetry isn't what she wants."
Dan: "Holy shit, you are the worst. I'm going full Charlie Trout, it's final. I'm going to become the next Bart Bass. In my mind!"
Rufus: "Are you sure about this? I mean, I suck. Sure. But you plus Bart? That's like the worst thing anyone could ever imagine."
Dan: "And yet of the three of us, only we two are fucking Rhodes Women tonight. So."

We used to talk about this certain look Blair would get, when even she couldn't believe what an asshole she was being. To his credit, Dan gives us that face a lot in this episode. The Humphrey Men stare at each other a while, horrified, and Dan finally gets the heck out of there.

Alone, Rufus picks up his six-string, holding it tight. Calling it Vanessa, through the tears. Sexting Vanessa things that she doesn't even get because the references are so old and lame ("What is a Cagney?"). He thinks that he's throwing, but he's thrown. Lisa Loeb is going to have a goddamn mess on her hands.

SPARKS

Georgina: "Graydon Carter's assistant, if you do not give me Dan's Serena Chapter I will have your children murdered."
Daphne: "Pretty sure Wintour gets me for an hour if I do that. I can't deal with that again. I can always have more kids, but I can never get back those parts of myself. Of my soul. Sorry, but you cannot read the Serena Chapters. Either version."
Georgina: "Do what?"
Daphne: "...Oh, shit."

EMPIRE

Okay, I'm not going to go all 'one-sixteenth Cherokee' on you, since I'm not actually the worst, but dressing Blair up like an Indian brave and making warpath drum noises on the soundtrack? Not cool. America is finally figuring out what a gross racist Gwen Stefani is and has always been, we need to stay on the same page.

The point is, she gets Chuck at least off the couch with the promise that Lily and Bart will not be at PRADA. And that even if he won't marry her, she's at least pathetic enough to throw him a pity bone, which see above re: dressed like a racist stripper. Oh, man. Seriously, it's everything wrong at once. And yes, I did say several times that Blair was 100% wonderful in this episode, but the truth is, this is the first time I'm seeing this scene, because my Tivo died at this part.

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Gossip Girl

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