Colin and Serena run up at this point, and the Dean has motherfucking had it, and then they all yell at each other until the Dean finally understands what's up, which is that no one of this should matter to her except for how already one party got messed up by Serena fucking professors for grades, and now here's another one she's fucking for grades. Even though Colin already quit and the lonely wolves of the Bahamas are going hungry, it's still sort of damning. Slightly on the side of Guilty, the Dean's about to watch the kissing video in earnest, but then B drops the memory card in her champagne and pretends that it was she -- non-grade fucker, trigger-happy jack -- who was dating Colin, who is now quit. So it's all resolved.

Dean checks out to have a life that doesn't involve the sex life of one single child in the entire student body of Columbia, and shit gets for real: "Juliet, I don't like tattletales much more than I like young women who use their sexuality to further their academic careers." Every time they refer to Serena's "academic career" with a straight face: Cup your left breast, which should already be hanging out if you've been playing along, and take a drink.

Colin yells at Juliet for spycamming him and she yells at him for dating the girl that took their relative down and put him in jail. Colin says this is really just about her burning him and cuts her off so now he has no cousins. Gone, with those burning tire tracks of a DeLorean. But the problems of Juliet are just getting started. The NJBC flows around her like mean water and the camera circles, circles, they are sharks and swans, trading lines like we're in Spoon River. And awesomely, neither Vanessa nor Dan are here, because this is the real shit. They speak in one voice, one terrible thrumming voice, power grown quadruplicate, fire in their eyes, wind whipping their hair around, little dust devils playing at their skirts, ghost of George Balanchine joined by demons as they dervish:

"Now it's our turn. Your obsession with Serena has grown tiresome. Just because you have no money, and delusions of grandeur, does not make it okay for you to be a single white trash female. Why would I ever believe anything you say again? You can believe the part where she does her own hair. You tried to destroy my friendship with Blair, my reputation, my academic career. You failed every time, and now it's time for you to go. He's talking about Columbia. You don't belong there anyway. If we catch you hanging around again, there will be consequences. And we're really good at payback."