Or will she rise again, draped in cerements and rage? Magic used in anger redounds on us threefold, little ones. Sure as game recognizes game.
Colin and Serena, speeding away in a taxicab, confabulate a strange myth about what has happened, covering over Operation Smile as though it had never occasioned to reveal itself. It is about jealousy, they say, because with Serena it always is: She was jealous of Serena's past with Nate, which began the whole thing. Then jealous of her relationship with Colin, turning her mad. Mad! Colin's like, "Well actually this makes tons of sense. Our family is fuuuucked. But more, I cannot say." Instead of leaning on him, Serena just giggles and then... They break up again without breaking up. It's the damndest thing.
Serena decides to kill two swans with one stone, and both apologizes and further ruins Dan by calling him from outside PRADA and saying she'll refuse to go inside until he comes for her. Dan lays a patch getting there from DUMBO, but before he arrives Nate has randomly shown up! (After she's ignored his call, which I thought for sure he would see her do, but this is better.) And they have fallen back in love! And Dan is left standing there holding the bag for the second time this week and the millionth time of life! Serena van der Woodsen, be my valentine!
This great Big Star cover starts playing as Blair and Chuck gloat fireside: "Us, a million. The world: Zero!" They talk about how good it was to get their NJBC on and do a takedown and magic spells on a lady, and it's really sweet. Finally, they admit that they are friends and family both, and that hate sex is not as awesome as being buddies and evil cohorts together, just like Jenny told them a while back. It's so sweet to see them smile like old people and talk about how much they love to be friends. They say goodnight, finally, and Chuck stands to leave, and but then they hug and then they smell each other and then they kiss and then he takes her upstairs in his sturdy tiny arms and then they make healthy normal-people love and I dunno. It feels earned to me. I like it very much.
Juliet stirs her cauldron and says magic words until an image appears. Who is it? We don't know. Perhaps a secret member of Operation Smile, perhaps an upcoming guest star? Whoever it is, their power is legion. Juliet tells the wicked mystic on the other end that she's got a van der problem and that they are her only hope. Is it Obi-Wan? You're getting warmer. Okay, is it Georgina Sparks? Closer, but think: Who is the only person that has ever pulled off a scheme, on this entire show? Who is the one person so ass-crazy and nihilistic that even her society events, her dances, her gowns, the crown upon her very head are warped into strange Gaga-esque monuments to the sharp and jagged?