Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Brooklyn Without Limits, Or: Arendt You Glad You Odile?

The most important part of this very important scene is Chuck's suit jacket, which is so exquisitely tailored that you can actually see heaven. Meanwhile this is what is in the box: Shampoo, and a copy of The Help. Chuck's like, "I can't talk to you right now, I have to get my Blackberry so I can send some messages to some people." Even Nate -- even Nate -- is not that dumb. "You're holding it!" Chuck's response is just like, poof! Smoke! And he disappears. Nate's bangs blow back and then he thinks about his insignificance because everybody on this entire show is somehow standing at this intersection which has become the party for this episode:

Blair's over there about to get jig with Chuck in a "brownstone vestibule" (?) on this corner. Serena's about to drive up in a purloined taxicab with her fake boyfriend, explaining to him that all she wants is to quote "be on his arm" at the ballet. Colin is explaining that for kissing they have to go to Harbour Island, where the wolves shall devour us all. Dan is there begging for money and dignity and sees Serena who sees Blair who sees Vanessa, who is licking the sidewalk. Poppy Lifton is kicking a child in the face. Juliet is wearing a trenchcoat and bright orange wig and checking Gossip Girl a hundred times to find Serena. Jenny is there feeling great about herself and blaming her parents, as usual. Lily is there getting married to rich dudes. Inspektor Pilot is there dressed as Lady Gaga, begging for attention. Lord Marcus is fucking his relatives. Bart Bass is there going ooooOOOOoooo. It's all happening.

While Serena totally loves the fact that Blair and Chuck are now doing it in the street like commoners, she is going to make a problem. At this very moment Juliet is watching the video of Serena kissing Colin, and it's still not that exciting, but she calls the Columbia Dean of Vag to inform her about Serena's activities, while Nate is right this second talking to some kind of Dobby at her building about how she never lived there and never existed because she is a lie inside a lie inside a lie wrapped around a silverware drawer. Nate is only a lie inside a lie wrapped around cotton candy and American Apparel underwear, so he's confused by this extra layer of lies. But he knows how to hate ladies, so that's what he's going to do.

Serena and Blair discuss how Chuck is fucking her all over the place, and S pretends to both A) care and B) think it's a bad thing, because how early do you have to get up in the morning to get upper hand on Blair? So early. And how the fuck do you know when or where to be when that happens? You can't. It's providence that everybody was on that corner, and S needs to play this one through.

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Gossip Girl

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