Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1987 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Jenny, King Of The Pirates

"Spotted: A family reunion only Faulkner would approve of. I used to think that S and Lonelyboy were the most boring couple on the Upper East Side. But what makes them actually great together? Is when they're supposed to be with other people."

Everybody gets the blast at once, and it's so great. S is now officially her mother. What Happened In DUMBO is the new What Happened In Santorini: "Yes, I did kiss my ex and lie about it in more and more Byzantine ways. But it's just because I didn't want to answer a bunch of dumb questions!" Blair and S conference about the blast, and B is only moderately grossed out by the hookup. "We all try on old clothes from time to time, and sure, we may even be surprised when they still fit, but that doesn't mean we should wear them again, ever!" S swears nothing happened, and points out that clearly Jenny did this, which is sort of awful just because of the Dan part of it. She mentions that Jenny's in Brooklyn at the moment, and a terrible, wonderful, scary, beautiful look of great Zen-like focus falls across B's face, and she turns that car the fuck around.

S and Dan talk more about how their kiss was super meaningless and shouldn't jeopardize their stuff, but you can tell it's something of a half-hearted game of chicken right now and they're still worried the other one might be the one that is having the feelings. This progression, the two of them in this episode, is actually very well done. This whole episode is very well done, as a matter of fact. Except for the music, which -- bar one exception -- the music sucks dong. It's all covers, but they're all bad covers of ridiculous cheesy songs not even your dad could love. Not sure what we're going for there, although the episode is such a remix mashup of tropes and memories and symbolism that it might have something to do with that. But instead of seeming like The O.C. S4, where it was awesome, here it's more like the zombie of music.

Rufus makes fun of Dan -- "Was that my Lincoln Hawk t-shirt Serena was wearing?" -- and eats some waffles or some shit, and says he was reading Gossip Girl over Eric's shoulder. The way Rufus interacts with Eric is always so upsetting. Dan asks where Jenny is, because once again they have not figured out how grounding works. Dan regretfully says that he has finally after three years figured out that his sister is insane and totally out of control. "Yesterday, it was your marriage, and today it's Nate and Serena, and Vanessa and me. She's gotta be stopped!" They agree to lay in wait for her at the DUMBO loft, because they have a feeling she will... Go there at some point. That's literally the plan.

Gossip Girl

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