Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Jenny, King Of The Pirates

Rufus makes fun of Dan -- "Was that my Lincoln Hawk t-shirt Serena was wearing?" -- and eats some waffles or some shit, and says he was reading Gossip Girl over Eric's shoulder. The way Rufus interacts with Eric is always so upsetting. Dan asks where Jenny is, because once again they have not figured out how grounding works. Dan regretfully says that he has finally after three years figured out that his sister is insane and totally out of control. "Yesterday, it was your marriage, and today it's Nate and Serena, and Vanessa and me. She's gotta be stopped!" They agree to lay in wait for her at the DUMBO loft, because they have a feeling she will... Go there at some point. That's literally the plan.

Chuck, who is looking fine as hell this episode, gets bitchy with Serena when she shows up looking for Nate, whom he says "knows who he loves and what he wants." Unless S can say the same, he says, she needs to be honest and so forth. "Courage, ma soeur," says he. Then Nate and Serena have a really dumb fight that they keep having, which is that he shouldn't have called the cops on her father for poisoning her mother because it's not Nate's call what is against the law: It is Serena's. However, she would like to make things work and "go back to being us," which I'm not sure what that means but I'm guessing it happens on the kitchen floor.

Blair arrives at DUMBO, and Jenny tells her to bring it on. "When are you gonna get it? For three years, you've tried to worm your way into our world, but you will never be a part of it. No matter what you do. This isn't copycat dressing at Constance or dumping dairy on your best friend to prove a point. Nate and Serena? That's mythic. You don't mess with that and survive. You're hurting people I love. You're hurting people you love." That's the part that gets her, because it's as close as possible to drawing a Venn diagram about how crazy she is becoming.

"Nate loves Serena, Dan loves Vanessa -- God knows why -- and Chuck loves me. But you, Jenny? No one loves you, except your daddy, and after what you pulled yesterday, who knows if that's even true anymore?" I didn't entirely buy the Jesus Hates You thing that drove Georgie crazy that time with Poppy, but as a warm up for this, that's cool. Because I do totally believe that this little speech would take Jenny all the way to Crazytown, of which she is already the foursquare mayor. Downstairs, Dan is worshipping at the fecund altar that is Dorota's distended belly. "That's so beautiful, I can't believe it! The miracle of life growing inside of you!" My God, this kid.

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Gossip Girl

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