Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Jenny, King Of The Pirates

But when Blair punches him, it's not for that: It's for fucking around with Nate and Serena's relationship. Blair knows, through her feral extrasensory powers, that they at least kissed, and are leaving that part out. Then suddenly the dumbest thing happens, wherein suddenly Blair looks at the skyline and sees the Empire State Building, and falls back in love with Chuck Bass. In the middle of a sentence: "Signs are for the religious, the superstitious and the lower class. I don't believe in them and neither should you... Damn you, Chuck Bass. Damn you to hell!" Lame. I mean, the whole plot hinges around Blair being a crazy person, and that this whole Affair To Remember thing is not actually romantic but just Chuck's correct idea about what Blair thinks is romantic. So I can see her suddenly falling face-first into it like she never saw it coming. But the way it's done here, very unconvincing. Maybe it's just the line reading. Anyway, she sends Cameron away after he's said his one line of the entire episode, and she's headed for the Bridge, but then Dorota goes into labor. Which is just so Dorota. "Dorota's water might not be the only thing breaking tonight," says GG, which is also so Dorota.

Rufus, having finally tracked down his daughter, explains that she is leaving the show and going to live with Horrible Allison in Horrible Hudson and will be attending Horrible Hudson High in the fall. For some reason, after Blair's little speech, Jenny has decided that New York is the fifth bitch at the table, and that she lives and breathes New York State Of Mind and could never be happy with Baryshnikov in Paris and the city is "all I have" and "If I leave, I have nothing!" and all this random crap about that. Rufus doesn't care, because he doesn't love the city. Does Rufus love anything? Those fucking coffee mugs that time, that he never mentioned again. Talkin' about waffles. The word "grounded." Judgin' and adjudicatin' and administratin'. Powerlessness. Weakness is all he has! Without weakness he would have nothing!

Hey, somebody's maid is having a baby with somebody's doorman! We better all get to the hospital for that major life event in none of our lives whatsoever. You go warm up the car and I'll pack some snacks. Hey, call your cousin in Phoenix, she'll definitely want to know about these irrelevant people and their baby. What's that? A doctor? We don't need a doctor, we have Cyrus Rose. An entertainment lawyer! Dorota sends Blair off to the Empire State Building, because she's running behind Chuck's creepy weird schedule, and B doesn't want to go, because she wants to stay with the entire cast of this show in this one hospital room for literally no reason, but Dorota tells her to get the fuck over there. "You have my blessing. We both get what we want now. Go!" That's so Dorota!

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Gossip Girl

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