Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Jenny, King Of The Pirates

Blair nearly runs over S in the hallway, and Dorota births some more, and B talks to herself a lot, and S and D are awkward and guilty and weird in the hallway, and Nate hears them discussing all of this, eyebrow faces all over the place. Round the corner, Georgina explains that she followed the Waldorf-Roses from their house to the hospital. Why? I guess she wanted to be in on the blessed event of some immigrants having a baby. "I need to talk to you. I'm in trouble. Big trouble." Blair says that's awesome, to please fuck off right away, and "May God save your soul. Again."

Nate explains to Dan and S that people kiss each other because they have feelings, kissing type feelings, and S says that's usually but not always the case, like for example they have boyfriend and girlfriend feelings for their boyfriend and girlfriend. Nate almost goes back to explain about kissing again to them, because they don't seem to have understood what he was saying, but then instead he just offers to call Vanessa right away and fuck them over. Maybe explain how kissing works to her, as well. S yells at Nate for threatening Dan, and when he says he can stand up for himself she beautifully points out that A) That is not true and B) That is never true. Nate says probably it's because Dan knows he's right, and then tries to explain about kissing one more time.

While some random poor person shoves the world's giantest fake baby out of her giant fake belly, and Nate uses this week's new cell phone to notify Vanessa of the sleeping that happened, Blair runs to the top of the Building and finds a bouquet of peonies in the garbage. I guess Chuck had some places he needed to be. Or maybe, I'm not sure how it works, maybe there's some kind of surgery involved in "opening" and "closing" one's heart, and he needed to get on the list.

Oh no, he just got bored of waiting, so he went home to drink. Jenny comes looking for Nate, hoping her time-release dirty bomb will have done its work, and Chuck offers her a wee nip and some dark and gloomy company. Dark and gloomy being the watchword for old Jenny, she slugs the drink and asks for more. Then they have a super gay conversation about how "this world" is so empty and "only exists from the outside."

I think this scene, like much of this episode, plays out a mashup of their two dominant narrative modalities -- gothic romance for him, hyperreal/po-mo punk for her -- and if you put those together it's all about putting cigarette butts out on your chest and making little cuts on each other, which is why their conversation is too embarrassing: Add nihilism to gothic romance and you get De Sade. "The hard way is the only way," he says, and they decide to fuck.

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Gossip Girl




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