Gossip Girl

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Jenny, King Of The Pirates
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

"You reap what you sow -- what goes around, comes around. No matter how far you run, you can never truly escape. Everything catches up to you in the end, and when it does? It usually kicks your ass." This -- wherein we revisit the same exact idea not once but five times, including twice in the last single thought -- from the girl who managed to write EMPIRE STATE BUILDING OF MIND on the opening-credits blog post card that opens every episode. We willingly put ourselves in her hands, the girl who wrote without irony EMPIRE STATE BUILDING OF MIND. It's that concrete jungle where dreams are made of: She is merely its chronicler.

What is happening while GG is issuing these wise thoughts is that Georgina Sparks, in a big blonde wig and strange furs, is getting snapped very obviously by a wannabe in the train station. Not that it really comes to bear on the episode -- it's nipped by a tossed-off line in a later act -- but in terms of bookending the pilot, as so much of this episode does, it's pretty hilarious. Georgina in Serena drag is sort of how we got here, although we didn't know that at the time, and crazy-ass Jenny will leave from here in a week.

Lily, parenting guru and all-around feelings understander, lectures sad puppy Rufus about how teenage girls are a nightmare, because they realize their immense power over you, which lies in your unconditional love. So essentially I guess the point is to "close your heart," as noted gaywads Chuck and Blair would say, or simply wait until Jenny stops being an asshole, which Lily thinks is around college graduation. Or, in Serena's case, not-college not-graduation. Like Serena is done being an asshole! She's only resting.

Rufus has sent her to DUMBO so he can think! Lily says that grounding doesn't work, but I think what doesn't work w/r/t grounding is that Rufus has never actually successfully grounded Jenny. Not once has she stayed grounded for more than five minutes. "Short of sending her away," Rufus can't think of anything that would help. That is a very Rhodes Women plan: Can't manage to actually communicate with or appeal to your daughter's valid concerns? Send that shit upstate! Eric agrees, appearing out of nowhere to explain that he doesn't need Jenny's "crazy ass" around any more than they do, and hopes only that they'll send her away sooner rather than later, before she strikes again.

But unbeknownst to her woeful family, Jenny is not in DUMBO, she is sitting in Nate's bed wearing Nate's clothes staring down at Nate watching him sleep. Because she is a creep. He wakes up and they act all chummy and brother-sister some more, like always, and like always Nate is out of the blue like, "I just want to be clear: We are not boyfriend and girlfriend." As simplistic as it makes Nate sound, it is true that Jenny should be reminded of basic things if they happen to conflict with her agenda, which is being super crazy all of the time. Jenny rolls her eyes and accedes, then immediately turns around and minimizes their relationship and gets him talking about how much of an asshole Serena is. Good work! He's like, "She's mad, but she'll cool off." If you can just wait until they reboot, Nate and Serena are the perfect mate because "forgive" and "forget" are just two words for the same thing: Goldfish brain.

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Gossip Girl

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