Alessandra, for real: "The literary world is saying yes to you!"
Dan: "They are saying yes to Anonymous. To me, they are irritated as usual."
Alessandra: "I can't wait to figure out which characters are which, even though I already know that."
Dan: "Just one reason I invited all the characters to this party, so that everybody can do that. I'm happiest in a freak show. At least Blair isn't coming."
Alessandra: "Oh, but she is. Blair Waldorf. No +1, which is odd, but she did draw in a picture of herself stabbing you over and over."
Sam: "My ex in Scott Rudin's office called. The Gay Mafia is alive and well on both coasts. Everyone is talking about your character in the book, just like real life, so I told him for sure it was you. Is that okay?"
Serena: "I'm just happy to play a part in disposable literary history. And of course to support Dan. And of course to support people talking about me all the time."
Sam: "Dylan Hunter is right! You are the worst!"
Serena: "That seems really important that you said that just now."
Jane: "I am so hungry because of this liquid diet I am on! Untrained Intern Serena, get over here on this conference call with My Left Foot and his people."
DDL People: "My Left Foot can't be in your movie, because an unrelated project that hasn't even been acquired yet may somehow one day exist, and your intern's life -- which we all know the details of already because that's the point of this entire show -- has put him off his porridge."
Sam, verbatim: "DDL is notoriously anti-anything scene-y..."
Jane: "What are you talking about?"
Sam: "Serena is in the book, as this totally shallow, self-obsessed party girl."
Jane: "No, I mean what's with the lingo? 'DDL'? Are you like his friend, calling him that? And what the fuck is 'scene-y'?"
Sam: "Even after twenty-five years as a gay man, I still have no idea what 'the scene' means. I don't think anybody does, I just know we don't want it in our future boyfriends."
Serena, verbatim: "Aren't you being a little reductive?"
Jane & Sam: Stare, gapemouthed.
Serena: "Yes, I know that word. And yes, I am using it in the proper context."
DDL People: "Anyway, for no reason we are interested in telling you, DDL is out. Sorry, Sabrina."