Gossip Girl
Memoirs Of An Invisible Dan

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Always Coming Home

Sam: "Did he just say 'Sabrina'? Implying that this really is about the book?"

EMPIRE

Chuck: "Did you spend extra time doing your hair tonight, Nathaniel?"
Nate, giggling: "I don't mind that Dan made me gay. That is nothing new, my friend."
Chuck: "Girl, I know. Actually, I was a little offended he didn't make me gay. In the original books I was the only guy he slept with. Personally, I thought you'd be more mad that he conflated you with Eric van der Woodsen."
Skirrrrch.
Nate: "He did what? What do you mean conflated?"
Chuck: "Brothaniel is two years younger than the rest of us, and BFF with Jennither. Really, you're only him to the extent of lacrosse and Anderson Cooper."
Nate: "No, I mean what does the word conflated mean?"
Chuck: "You and Eric are one person now."

Nate: "Aye, me. 'Brothaniel.' Truly it was right before my eyes, all along."

INSIDE

Clair backed up against the piano, spitting, "I've never hated anyone more! Every nerve ending in my body is electrified! By hatred!"

Dylan had seen worse. "There's a fiery pit of hate burning inside me. Ready to explode."

And so they did, electric nerves and exploding pits. A Crazytown sex-romp boogaloo, with her up on the piano and then he was hanging from a chandelier with a rose between his teeth and then she was strangling him with a Shatoosh scarf and then he ran an ice cube all over her ass cheeks while they watched Italian cinema and she slapped him with a wet noodle and then they ate the noodle and then they held hands and spun in a circle faster and faster until they almost fell down due to the throbbing centripetal pressure, the explody heat and nervy electricity of it all, and then Clair rode Dylan around like a pony, like a tiny pony, and she rolled into a big ball and he was a small ball and they rolled around pretending to be a sexy naked pennyfarthing and then he put on a top hat and a fake mustache and they did it all the same way again, but reverse, and all the bowties were tied and Madeleine Albright was scandalized and they were exhausted, spent, under the piano having to rehydrate, with Bolly and Pellegrino.

"Your body is a wonderland, Hunter," she gasped.

"Putting it to you like a jackhammer was very romantic emotionally," Dylan said. "Also I have ejaculated everywhere, because of my virility."

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