Gossip Girl
Memoirs Of An Invisible Dan

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Always Coming Home

WALDORF

Blair: "This is a very, very good book."

ANONYMOUS

Alessandra: "Why are you at this party so early?"
Dan: "It's a party for me, right? I haven't felt this much like the center of attention since Vanessa Abrams left."
Alessandra: "Well, the whole point is unmasking Anonymous, so if you're standing around in the middle of this party of classy people who are better than you, they will figure it out. Go hide in the pantry."

INSIDE

Sabrina was so distracted by thoughts of herself that even if she could've seen the young man over her enormous boobs, she wouldn't have cared. She was that kind of dame: A steamroller of sex and addiction and sandalwood and patchouli that she mixed herself. She could tell from the jacket lining of her latest victim that he wasn't worth a second look, so she just kicked him once in the kidney and kept right on walking. She had best friends to annihilate, and innocent Brooklynite souls to wager... Until he offered to buy her a drink. Then she was his for the night.

BETTINGER

Serena is so distracted by thoughts of herself that even if she could see the young man over her enormous boobs, she wouldn't care. She's that kind of dame: A steamroller of sex and addiction and sandalwood and patchouli that she mixes herself. She can tell from the jacket lining of her latest victim that he ain't worth a second look, so she kicks him once in the kidney and keeps right on walking. She has best friends to annihilate, and innocent Brooklynite souls to wager. The gorgeous guest star never had a chance. Not tonight.

ANONYMOUS

Lily: "I am so sorry Nate couldn't come!"
Chuck: "Not as sorry as Dan's going to be. He hates it when we don't perform."
Rufus: "Where is that asshole son of mine? I can't wait to cringingly support him and then pull the rug out later."
Lily: "I'm just glad that little swot knows what side his bread's buttered on. No way he's going to risk all this just to paint me as some kind of frigid, manipulative, selfish mother like everybody else always does."
Alessandra: "Hi, I'm Alessandra, Dan's agent! I hope you don't think I'm going to be one of those agents that works all the time! I'm not like a regular agent, I'm a cool agent. I can't wait to talk to each of you at length about your personal problems, one by one."
Sloane Crosley: "I am literally just here to be adorable for a second."
Alessandra: "She wrote the excellent I Was Told There'd Be Cake, but the followup didn't do quite as well, even though it's great. There's a story about Alaska in there that equals or betters the stuff in the first book alone."
Sloane Crosley: "Yeah, I'm not really worried about any of that? I just want some cake."

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Gossip Girl

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