Blair: "You had better hope I can stop your fantasy life from destroying my real one."
Dan: "Blair, I never wanted us to come between you two..."
Serena: "Um, 'us'?"
Blair: "God! When are you gonna get it through your head? There's no us, there never was! There's nothing here but friendship -- and even that's gone now."
She bounces, leaving him with Serena, who has that Serena Look on her face that says he better come up with something shiny or else Santigold will start playing, and then everybody burns.
Ivy: "Hellloooo? Stalker mogul blackmailer?"
Payne: "No big deal, I was just watching celebrity news for the most scandalous developments in the lives of the Upper East Side elite. That's most of my job, watching TV and acting weird about everything."
Ivy: "So like why did you call me?"
Payne: "I utilized Bing to find out where you are from and who you are. And now I am going to threaten you for no clear purpose."
Ivy: "Okay, here's the story in a nutshell. Serena's aunt, Carol Rhodes, paid me to impersonate her daughter Charlie so she could access her trust fund. It worked, and I took the money and went back to my real life, only Serena found me and dragged me back here. With Max as the only remnant of the half-life I half-left behind."
Payne: "Like you ... Can't just leave? Are you sure that's how that went down?"
Ivy: "It doesn't really make that much sense. But now, I am trapped. Everything sparkles here, Diana. I don't know how else to explain it."
Payne: "Okay, well, you are a ticking time bomb which means when I finally fuck all of this up, you can take the fall. Let's be friends, okay?"
Ivy: "Once again, I am going to make the dumbest possible decision. You're on!"
Chuck: "Oh, Christ. What is it this time, Louis? Did you see her on Gossip Girl talking to the mailman? Did she eat two macarons but say she'd had three? What, did she tell you Dorota was prone to gas? Guess what, that's not Dorota."
Louis: [However you say "This scene is so all about Chuck that my lack of a personality barely registers."]
Chuck: "If you read Dan's book, you know how I turn out. You have a chance at having love in your life, not ending up alone, hanging in a closet. Don't give up on your own fact over someone else's fiction."
Louis: "[Tiny rapist leprechaun homosexuel, sometimes you talk like La Gossip Girl.]"