Sam: "I am here! Desperate for approval and absolutely adorable!"
Jane: "Could you get me and Serena two green teas? I am totally playing you guys off each other, but not even on purpose."
Sam: "I will poison them, okay?"
Jane: "Serena, you can answer your phone. I'm sure whoever's calling you is important."
Serena: "No, it's just my best friend who is constantly on the edge of a mental breakdown, I'm sure it's nothing major like a royal bastard. She can wait. Let's drink green tea and talk about rose bushes that only grow in Ireland."
Nate: "See, these pictures are SCANDALOUS and SIZZLING because the people in them are having HOT and TWISTED extramarital affairs with each other in DAZZLING, SWEATY locations like the Poconos. Isn't that so SEXY and OUTRAGEOUS?"
Payne: "I've fucked you so hard you turned into Harvey Levin again, haven't I?"
Nate: "Let's DISH. Remember that WILD Jenny Packham show? EDGY fashions and tons of GLITTERATI. And all those LUBED-UP phones we stole."
Ivy: "Please pick up my phone, strangers! I've been calling for days and running down the battery, so I hope you have it plugged in because I am going to keep calling and calling. I hope it was not stolen by a mogul."
Nate: "I remember one of the DIRTY, NAUGHTY phone numbers on this mysteriously EAR-LICKING phone. That is a totally reasonable -- and SEXY -- thing for me to do."
Payne: "Cool, maybe we can somehow use that information or something. My preoccupations make about as much sense as my business plan."
Serena: "Still haven't found your phone?"
Ivy: "No, and I've been calling it nonstop."
Serena: "Is it going straight to voicemail yet, because you've killed it? Maybe you should just get a new phone. Just take some of this money we throw around and buy a new phone with it."
Ivy: "My whole world's in that phone!"
Serena: "I'm sorry, is that the 'whole world' you manage to traverse with this single duffel bag full of Forever 21 fast-fashion waitress trash and a bunch of unfilled prescriptions? If you had any friends or meaningful connections, would you honestly even be here?"
Rufus: [Something about that band he's always nattering on about. I wish that this were a Rhodes Woman thing and "Panic!" were actually just some scheme of Lily's, like she went to the Varvatos on Bowery and was like, "You with the hair, you with the abs, and you, with the testicles I can clearly see in your tiny jeans. Ever thought about music?"]