Gossip Girl: "Isn't that gross? Serena and Dan. Oh my God, you guys. XOXO."

NEXT WEEK

For the sixth episode running, Blair stresses out about the threat of Eleanor to no real avail and Chuck tries more nonsense out on Lily's marriage, also to no real avail. Ivy and Rufus open their 'art gallery,' probably resulting in a big 'art' party the whole cast attends, and turn in their desperation to bath salts. One wild 36 hours later, the Upper East Side and Gossip Girl light up social media with strange stories of a mask-wearing couple breaking into apartments and setting up their Christmas decorations while they are asleep. Serena and Dan unhinge their jaws and finally just swallow each other whole, resulting in a mutant beast that scours the countryside looking for Lily's other children and devouring them one by one, just like in mythology.

JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife and Homeland for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, his novel The Urges, and a novelette, "The Commonplace Book," appeared recently on Tor.com.