Gossip Girl
Monstrous Ball

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Dressing Up & Dressing Down

Blair: "Give me champagne and sooth my nerves about this plan you told me to do where my entire fashion line is for whores now."
Dan: "I'm such an accomplished ruiner that I didn't even notice me doing that."
Chuck: "Blair, I came to this Cotillion because I too somehow think it's about you. Nice blowjob btw, Humphrey."
Dan: "Been too long since I heard that from you. Hey, how about an awkward and painfully overextended metaphor about Zeus and Cronus that literally nobody involved with this show understands? Spoiler alert, I will also use it to remind everybody how Chuck is a total rapist."

Serena: "Lily Bass! You told Steven Spence not to marry me!"
Lily: "I merely expressed my concern that you shouldn't ever be allowed to make your own decisions, because you are a moron."
Serena: "Says the bitch who got married seven times, including once in bigamy and once in a zombie marriage. And who has more kids than somebody on a TLC show."
Lily: "Don't blame me, blame Blair. You had to know this was her fault, come on."

This part, though. It rings so true that it actually retroactively makes sense of Serena's petit mal at the beginning of the episode, it's great:

Serena: "You knew how much I wanted this."
Lily: "I knew you wanted someone, but let's face it, Serena. You don't have boyfriends. You have life rafts."
(Bart: "...Diiiid somebody say my name?")
Serena: "That you keep taking from me! And leaving me to drown! First you got together with Rufus so that I could never be with Dan, and now you're jealous that some man that doesn't remember sleeping with you is in love with me... I'm not gonna let you ruin this."

Even Lily has to admit that Serena's narrative is compelling here; she's privileged in a sort of Mitt Romney way, right, like she's not an active racist, she just doesn't get why poor people don't just make more money. "Even if I never actually stole your boyfriends from you, I sure did put them in jail and marry their dads a lot." But it's that kind of privilege, not actual malice, that keeps empires going.

ACTUAL COTILLION

Yeah, did you forget there was actually a Cotillion happening at this Cotillion? Me too. These assholes.

DRAMARAMA

Blair: "I just wanted to say real quick that fuck you, Sage. How are those favors you're doing me going?"

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