Blair: "Even for Serena van der Woodsen, it's remarkable. You actually managed to go back to the same exact place as with Nate, wearing the same exact clothes as with Nate, doing the same exact moves as with Nate. Tell me, did you also run off a kill a dude that night?"
Serena: "That dude, this time, was me."
Blair: "Attend to my narrative here, honey. You took Nate's virginity on that same bar, when I loved him. It is not a coincidence that you went back there to prove you could take Dan too."
Serena: "You are all about Chuck. I'm sorry, but you're not the fat friend with a crush on every single boy so that no matter what happens you get to start crying and make everything about you and ruin every party you go to with your infinite crushes. Everybody fuckin' hates that girl, don't go out like that."
Blair: "Nevertheless, you took things way farther than either of us have ever taken things, in the tempestuous love affair that defines us. You didn't just cross the line, you erased it. Like a Chuck, like an actual sociopath."
Serena: "Nah. You did that when you took Dan. I realize it was two years of Prince Louis and playing Chuck against him before you officially did it, but the point is that you did it, and you knew I would take every single motherfucking one of us down with me when you did. I am not the bad guy here. It's sick and weird in a lot of ways, but it's not what destroyed our friendship. Your jealous ass tryna break my toys did that."
And then -- only I think because the sex tape just happened tonight, whereas Dair was seemingly lifetimes ago -- Blair gets to leave with the upper hand and Serena has to stand there feeling bad, even though sisters before misters.
Ivy: "You goin' through my mail? Momma don't like that."
Rufus: "Why do you have a bajillion dollars? Why are you buying 'art gallery' so I'll have money instead of just giving me money? Are you the new Lily? Am I just your trophy?"
Ivy: "Ugh, you're like a hundred. No. I just didn't want you to think I was doing that, so I had to do exactly that."
Rufus: "Where did all this money come from?"
Ivy: "I didn't steal it. Lola returned it to me. That's Carol's portion of Cece's estate."
Rufus, verbatim: "That makes sense."
Rufus: "So wait, why did I move you in here to begin with, if you had all this money. Are you just using me in some bizarre Byzantine plot with a nonexistent sister-cousin who only exists on the phone, in order to hurt Lily Bass who doesn't give a shit about either of us anyway?"