Gossip Girl
Monstrous Ball

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Dressing Up & Dressing Down

Ivy: "No, I just hate money. I hate buying things with money, I hate survival. I hate luxury, I hate enjoyment of things. I just want to be in a loft with a creepy old man, bein' poor."
Rufus: "That makes sense."

Does it, though?

Rufus: "Okay, here's my plan. I will spend all of your money on myself, just like with Lily. But instead of resenting you for it, like with Lily, I will just resent you for it."
Ivy: "Sounds good!"

But does it?


Serena: "Steven, have you forgotten about dumping me? Because my ring finger's getting' cold."
Steven: "Not this time, S. This time, I will remember that you are gross."
Serena: "Listen, that time I OD'd on public transport and then washed ashore upriver near your Poughkeepsie home? That sex tape was from before that. Like right before. Everything is different now, several weeks later!"
Steven: "Not buying it. I think your kinda gross goes all the way down."
Serena: "...Suddenly I really miss Dan Humphrey. Huh."

Dan: "Hey, you nasty slut."
Serena: "Hey, you social embarrassment. Want to go eat hamburgers and french fries and drink milkshakes and wallow in how horrible we are?"
Dan: "When you're desperate and self-destructive, that really turns me on. It's a date!"


Blair: "Chuck? Thanks for never raping Serena."
Chuck: "It's sad because it throws off the symmetry of the show, but also she has the metric volume of six of me. I am very tiny and she is huge and hot."
Blair: "Anyway, they're back to being officially the grossest people."
Chuck: "Our time will come again."
Blair: "...Sounds like a but. Wait, are you still doing your Powerful Bass stuff? I thought tonight was the end of that."
Chuck: "Turns out Lily's kind of a money-addicted alcoholic."
Blair: "You're shittin' me."


Bart: "Lily, I have to be completely honest with you."
Lily: "You're shittin' me."
Bart: "Chuck was right. I did violate the US trade embargo against Sudan, using horses and oil portraits of horses."
Lily: "Well, whatever. I never gave thought to your illegalities until today, but not even when Russell Thorpe tried to blow up Blair Waldorf, but now that you're telling me... It's like I think about your money, and my heart just opens up full of butterflies, and all the butterflies are going, Sure whatever."

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Gossip Girl




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