Bart: "So we're good."
Lily: "Yeah, fuck it."
Ivy: "So how did Operation Sudan go?"
Chuck: "There were a lot of schemes in this episode. Sort of a Sara Goodman hallmark, all that hustle and nothing really going down. The illusion of complexity. Anyway, no. Lily and Bart are fine, still."
Ivy: "Son of a bitch. I really thought he'd be convinced that your ghost was haunting their house and drinking their scotch and perusing their documents."
Chuck: "It did seem foolproof. Ah well. Maybe next week."
Ivy: "...Oh wait, he had an envelope."
Chuck: "An envelope you say. Well, that's almost as stunning a reveal as that time we found a photograph of him walking into a building."
Blair: "Dorota! Fill me in on what's happening at the end of this episode!"
Dorota: "The Subtle Sage Sexuality Teen Whore dress is a hit! Jean-Pierre call me for pattern. That bitch even hot on the phone."
Blair: "What a relief! Or it would be, if I had any interest or agency in my own life and wasn't just fucking around waiting for Chuck to marry me."
Dorota: "That not all. Miss Eleanor call too, say you Whore of Babylon. She come home to restore Waldorf name."
Blair: "...I'm going to need a pecan pie and a few minutes alone."
POOR PEOPLE DINER
Serena: "Do you think my mom's right? Do I depend on guys to an unhealthy degree?"
Dan: "No comment."
Serena: "And meanwhile girls are now hitting on you because of the sex tape? It's almost like there are two standards for sexual behavior in our society, one for men and the other for women."
Dan: "The fact that you're just twigging to this now, when it's your entire life story, is part of what makes you beautiful."
Diner Lady: "You guys want pie?"
Serena: "I want all the pie. List then and then bring them. An unholy carbohydrate orgy."
Diner Lady: "You actually gonna eat it?"
Serena & Dan: "Yes, that is the illusion this television show has decided to create."
Gossip Girl: "Isn't that gross? Serena and Dan. Oh my God, you guys. XOXO."
For the sixth episode running, Blair stresses out about the threat of Eleanor to no real avail and Chuck tries more nonsense out on Lily's marriage, also to no real avail. Ivy and Rufus open their 'art gallery,' probably resulting in a big 'art' party the whole cast attends, and turn in their desperation to bath salts. One wild 36 hours later, the Upper East Side and Gossip Girl light up social media with strange stories of a mask-wearing couple breaking into apartments and setting up their Christmas decorations while they are asleep. Serena and Dan unhinge their jaws and finally just swallow each other whole, resulting in a mutant beast that scours the countryside looking for Lily's other children and devouring them one by one, just like in mythology.