Dan: "Twist! It is a long slow sloppy blowjob, just like everything I have ever written about Chuck."
Jessica: "Yeah, and you're not even in it. That would disrupt the powerfully gay narrative."
Blair: "There is no Chuck story without Blair. A House is not a Home, a Chair is just a..."
Dan: "Twist! That's why I wrote it. To show that he doesn't give a shit about you. By the way, who's taking you to Cotillion?"
Blair: "Not Chuck, he's busy being Chuck."
Blair: "But I'm going to continue to delude myself that I am exactly the same amount of busy being Blair. You know, I almost hate myself enough to date you right now, Humphrey. Keep it comin'."
Lily: "Sorry about that time I fucked your boyfriend!"
Serena: "As if there's ever been a day where I don't have to say that to somebody on this show."
Lily: "Any idea why he called me for coffee today? I'd hate to have to apologize for it again..."
Serena: "I think he's going to propose marriage."
Lily: "That is some ass-backwards shit, my dear."
Serena: "What, Blair's been engaged like six times on this show."
Lily: "Yeah, but at least she pretended to go to college."
Serena: "Well, whatever. I never gave thought to marrying him until today, but it was like once I saw that ring, I just... Oh Mom, it was like my heart opened up full of butterflies and all the butterflies were going, Sure whatever."
Lily: "Oh, honey. I know that feeling well. All six of my marriages -- including the illegal one to Rufus that made me a bigamist and kept you from dating Dan occasionally, but not all the time -- were just like that. That overwhelming feeling of not giving a shit about what is going on in my life or where my decisions might lead."
Serena: "Mom, thank you. I feel so 'close' to you right now."
Lily: "It's just such a beautiful day, to see my favorite daughter finally just give in and let the pills take over. Today, you are a Rhodes Woman."
Sage: "Jessica, you old and rough. Also, why would they let some Columbia grad just randomly into Cotillion?"
Jessica: "I'm here to be hilarious, not make sense."
Blair: "Not even that, Blonde Minion. Once again, it's time to make Sage the Waldorf It Girl, despite there being literally dozens of other young women nearby at any time."