And Georgina expertly -- of course -- plays along: "No it's not [okay], because now she's upset," like Serena's being unstable right now, and Serena finally just starts taking off her earrings to fuck the bitch up, so Dan jumps in between them. G flashes some "scared" and "innocent" and "vulnerable" Sarah eyes at them, and leaves, and Serena sits Dan down for a much-needed talk about what G is all about.

Later, Serena wraps up. "So my mom took me to see his parents, and after talking to them, all I wanted was to come and find you, and tell you everything." But I couldn't, because you were too busy selling out your father and best friend in order to play into G's whole "poor me" story that even a child could see through. He graciously and magnanimously announces that he does not hate Serena, although to be fair, she asks for it this time, and Serena explains -- for what, the eleventh time? -- that she would have told him the truth except that he is judgmental about normal things like drinking and sex, so of course you cannot tell him when you are a murderer -- and he's like, "Yeah, but that's on you, kind of."

"It's, uh, a lot. And... I get it. I get it. I mean, 'Hey, I think I killed someone, and I'm being blackmailed by a crazy girl pretending to be someone else' doesn't quite ... roll off the tongue." Right, so now the only asshole in the room is actually ... let's see ... you, cheater. Serena's all, "My self-image and self-respect are so tied up with your bullshit and I'm so like my mother in that I cannot be alone for even a moment, so can we please fix this? Will you please forgive me for not giving you the opportunity to badger me about my murder, and then for forcing you to have sex with another girl?"

Dan's moral compass leads him to confess the obvious, about the hummer from Georgina last night, and Serena does a very scary thing that we've kind of seen her do before, but not like this. It's scary like her grandma's scary. He gets about two words out and she literally stands up straight, like, if they'd been drinking tea it would have been tea clanking everywhere is how fast, and she tells him how it's going to fucking be: "-- It's okay. You and Georgina and Vanessa were just hanging out, and it got late, and you fell asleep." Her eyes slide off his face, kind of grossed out by herself, and says she'll see him at the wedding. Anything to stop the words coming out of his mouth. He gives her a big old Dan Fucking Humphrey kiss on the mothereffing forehead, like the total condescending Sparks-tasting douche that he is, and she hugs him tightly. At the door, she says, "When I told my mom not to go away with Rufus, I said it was because you and I were forever. I knew I was right." And he's moved by that, and smiles, and when she leaves he hastens over to the phone ... And calls Blair. Hell, yeah. He's learning.