"Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand, it was nice to see him get his dirty for once," says Blair, fussing with Chuck's lapels. "Not sure how much fun he had, though. No one ever enjoys their first time." "Except you," says Chuck, ruining it. "Save me a dance?" Blair grabs his pink floral bowtie (Lily, What are your colors? Bright red? Bright yellow and black whorehouse style? Pink and green floral prints from 1982? This wedding is confusing!) with one hand and rearing back with the other: "Now that Georgina is done, so are you and I. She was the last thing we had in common." She kicks him in the shin and takes off with a dumb "break a leg" joke to which neither of them seem to have given much thought.
Eric deals with the hyperactive Wedding Planner, while out in front, the Archibalds arrive. Chuck and the Captain greet each other warmly, and Nate gives Chuck a chilly look. The Captain -- eager to pull one last parenting rabbit out of his hat before vanishing forever -- advises them to get over their differences and let the total gay love blossom between them once more. "You've been friends a long time. Whoever she is, she's not worth it." Chuck agrees, even though he doesn't mean it, and Nate spits that this is exactly the problem: Chuck's lack of romantic feelings toward Blair.
(Which is always confusing, but kind of mirrors the whole Dan/Georgina thing: if Chuck loves Blair, then him sleeping with her has nothing to do with Nate and it's okay, but if Chuck doesn't love Blair, then him sleeping with her has everything to do with being an asshole to both Nate and Blair. And since Chuck is deeply entrenched in the burlesque of being a slimeball, and Nate loves Chuck so much that he will always support this self-chosen version of his friend just like they all do for each other all the time, then Chuck can't love Blair, which means that Chuck is a bastard, which he already was, but a bastard in a particular way aimed at poor sweet Nate's unwitting head, and the variable hair that lives on top of it.)
Upstairs, B locates S for an impromptu pre-wedding ugly dress party. Because what Serena is wearing is the queen of the ugly dresses we've seen so far. Maybe this is a joke about making your bridesmaids wear ugly shit or something? I don't get it. And you know Vanessa isn't a bridesmaid. But Serena is wearing a yellow ruffled number that wouldn't be out of place in a saloon, or swinging from the ceiling in a steakhouse, but with a wide black belt and black gloves. Why? Why any of this, but especially ... it's just so weird! She looks like she's about to sell her prize pony, not for cocaine, but for the glory of the Confederacy. Serena wonders why Lily's heart doesn't seem entirely into wedding number four -- and oh, Eric spends this whole episode in the corners of the screen looking devastated, because he loves love and hates lying and has now mentioned how it's wedding number four at least twice, possible in every episode in which he's appeared -- but B's more interested in wondering how long it'll take them to get to husband number four. Ha!