Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: A+
Don't You Forget About Me

"Lil, I just got a divorce. I don't wanna get married again, at least, not right away." She stands up, white-knuckling her wine glass until you think the crystal will shatter. "But I do. I've been alone for quite a while now, and you know what? It's hard. And I love Bart. Not just because he has money -- I have enough money, not that you can ever have enough money, but... I'm rambling. And I'm nervous, and ... You make me nervous." He thinks that's romantic and not scary. She points out all the other questions, not to mention Dan and Serena, and Rufus is like, "That plot point made very little sense in the first place. I reject it." She agrees, and they talk about how twenty years is a long time as though she didn't completely ignore him and marry three other guys during those twenty years during which they barely spoke yet somehow signify now.

Eric, Bart and Chuck take their places at the end of the aisle, and Bart assures Eric that of her many amazing and wonderful qualities, he's accepted Lily's tardiness. Speaking of tards and tardiness, Dan and Vanessa arrive. Do not look directly at her dress. Vanessa's all, "I hope this awkward transition between scenes makes sense and you and Lily both take too long to get dressed!" Dan whines that he has no father figure and the only person who can tie his necktie is Vanessa, blah blah, and then abruptly changes the subject from himself to himself, namely his relationship with Serena, and Vanessa's like, "Are you worried that you had sex with Georgina for no reason and that makes you a total scrub?"

Dan explains that he thought "confronting" Georgina would make him feel better -- because making Serena feel bad about herself always worked in the past -- but it didn't, because he actually knows somewhere in that pointy head of his that he did something wrong. It's so awesome that Dan and Serena are both ignoring the actual fact of things, which is that Dan is a shit because he slept with Georgina for no good reason except anger and jealousy, but doing it in the opposite directions so that Serena will always lose no matter what. Dan's like, "I have to tell Serena in explicit detail the thing that she obviously already knows and is willing to overlook because she is lonely! Then I will feel better, because we can agree that it's her fault!" And Vanessa, spotting Serena coming, vamooses like whoa.

Serena and Dan have an entire conversation about "Can I talk to you about this thing you don't want to talk about?" No, you may not. "But I have to tell you this thing you already know and don't want to talk about!" No, you may not, and also it's my mom's wedding day and I've got a lot on my plate and I'm wearing the entire second half of East Of Eden on my person right now. "Okay, I'm just going to tell you this thing you already know." Please stop. "No, see, I didn't sleep with Georgina." Oh really? That's amazing. I figured you did. "Well actually, I basically did." What. The. Fuck. Dan. The wedding planner comes running up and spirits her away to a better place.

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Gossip Girl




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