Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: A+
Don't You Forget About Me

Outside, Nate thanks Chuck, who is like, "Duh, it's your Dad." Nate apologizes for throwing all that attitude around and Chuck apologizes for... not noticing at all... and then Nate notices that Chuck said he "loved" Blair, which he's never said about a girl before, and they smile and fall back madly in love with each other, and Chuck asks Nate if he's ready to go back in, and I guess light up the dance floor, but Nate is not feeling terribly social, and asks Chuck to tell Vanessa... And I don't know what excuse he was going to give, because Vanessa shows up and bitchily sends Chuck inside so she can grill Nate some more about his dark private family stuff. She stares at him and finally he's like, "It's a... long story." She assures him she has time, and mesmerizes him with the atrocious thing in her hair until he finally gives in.

Now it's nighttime! Serena's sitting alone in the empty chairs -- it was an outdoor wedding, I didn't make that clear before -- and Dan finally tracks her down so that he can do whatever the sleazy fuck thinks he's going to accomplish, and she of course immediately tries to disappear, so he physically shoves her down onto a chair and orders her not to run away from him. So she's like, fine: "So you hooked up with Georgina, I kinda figured that when I saw her coming out of your bedroom this morning, but... I'm willing to let it go. I don't wanna break up with you." Dan's like, "But so instead, I'm going to break up with you." She is so shocked by this massively irritating and offensive turn of events that she can't even speak. "Maybe I can't just let it go. You lied to me over and over. And it was easy for you..." Serena nearly angrily points out that it wasn't, not that he has any way of knowing that, and get this, this is what he says: "I got seduced by a girl pretending to be someone else, and you knew..." SEDUCED! He was SEDUCED! By an evil VIXEN! As has befallen men since Eve first fucked it up for everybody!

Serena points out that she was being blackmailed at the time, so the whole "women are evil succubi that sap a man's will" concept is not really at issue here, and he's like, I do understand that part, but it neutralizes my moral superiority not one whit. Serena vainly airs her naïve hope that he would understand anything, ever, and then Dan Humphrey says the most hilarious thing anybody has ever said on this show. "I am the most understanding person in the world," says Dan. Humphrey. The least understanding, most judgmental, self-righteous, priggish person ever seen on television, just said with a straight and tender face, this statement. Unbelievable.

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Gossip Girl




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