Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: A+
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Don't You Forget About Me

"But this? And this is not about who you used to be, your past, or who you were when we met. I mean, the only reason I was with Georgina was because yesterday morning you slept with two random guys you met in a bar..." And I mean, I wasn't giving him any credit anyway because he's full of shit, but "I only let somebody else into our messy relationship to even the score because I was angry with you" ... that's like being seduced TWICE! Once by an evil vixen and then AGAIN by Serena's horrible MISDEEDS! She's like, "Oh shit, I totally forgot to tell you that part was a lie." He asks, a valid question I admit, how that is less crazy. She pats his leg excitedly and tries to explain that it's because she thought he'd forgive her for that over murder. Which, I thought the whole thing was her trying to drive him away and kind of panicking, so I'm glad she had a whole plan in mind. Although still: how is that less crazy?

Dan almost cries and looks away, and finally Serena's like, "So what, Dan? We're exactly where we were at the Bass's brunch when we first started dating? I'm not who you thought I was, and you can't forgive that." Dan's like, "I have only increased tenfold the backlog of things to hold against you. I tremble under the mighty weight of my resentments! It tastes like power and the sense of control only victims and sadsacks understand!" And she's like, "So that's it then? It's just... Have a good summer, I'll see you back at school?" He totally goes, "I guess." Then he agrees that yes, that is how gross he is. She stands up, amazed, and clomps off through the grass. And then a swarm of vipers as long as your arm floods up out of the New York City water table, cornering Dan on all sides, and all that's left when they're done is the white rubber ONE bracelet that Dan got from Richard Gere when they were having a Superiority-Off for charity. (It's like arm wrestling, only instead of your arms, you use how you're better than the other person. Gere won because he has a Prius, while Dan is still driving Vanessa's lesbian sister's gas-guzzling band van when he needs transportation. Good show, Gere.)

Chuck clinks his glass and begins. "My father is someone who goes after what he wants, and Lily van der Woodsen was no exception. In typical Bass man fashion, his pursuit was direct and at times, not exactly subtle..." Blair sits across the room, looking completely amazing, because when she's seated looking over her shoulder at you, you can barely see her dress.

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Gossip Girl

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