Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Don't You Forget About Me

Nate asks when good old Icy Annie is coming back from the Hamptons, and the Captain explains that she is never coming back from the Hamptons because her husband is a dickface and also because their landscapers planted white roses by mistake and are now painting them red before she finds out and all the shrubs look like circus bears and there's a leak in the basement of the country house. Nate is like, "Is Mom really that sucky? Whatever, I already know the answer. I just wanted to show you my new bohemian girlfriend Vanessa 'A-Bomb' Abrams: She's vastly unpleasant and has no manners and I was thinking that maybe putting her in the same room with Mom would kill them both."

Captain's like, "Right, you have a 'girlfriend.' I keep forgetting about that, what with you constantly running off for week-long vacations with Charles Bass. Incidentally, are you two...?" Nate doesn't want to talk about it and the Captain gets gay panic and starts talking about Yankees. He could be talking gibberish, I wouldn't know, but Nate is relieved and also talks about this... sports team, and the... sport that they... play. The Captain gets a phone call which is obviously from a bad guy and tells Nate that it's his sponsor so Nate will run off and do something about his goddamned hair, and then he's all, "Don't be late, don't be early, don't be subtle, don't meet me anywhere discreet. I'll slip out right after the ceremony and there you will be, waiting, across the street from this huge society wedding that everybody on this show is attending." So I guess the Captain got his Secret Stealth Skills badge back when Asher Hornsby was Den Leader.

Serena finally manages to locate Dan's loft, even though it is in Brooklyn. She knocks on the door like an overoxygenated crack head, and then just about knocks him over with an uninvited kiss when he opens the door. I don't think, if you're keeping score, that Dan has ever looked quite as hot as he does in this scene. "I'm sorry, I know it's early but I couldn't sleep, I had to see you, and you're here, which means you slept here, which is a relief, but not a surprise..." See? Serena knows about the underground lair. Georgina comes out all like, "Serena, what on Earth are you doing here at your boyfriend's apartment the morning after I called you and said I was going to sleep with him just to mess with you?" Serena admits that seeing a fully dressed Georgie creeping around the place like a harbinger of disease is a bit more surprising than finding Dan at his house. Dan stands stock still looking hotter than anything but not committing to an emotion or reaction of any kind. The camera twirls all around them and Gossip Girl's all, "They say love conquers all, but maybe love never met Georgina Sparks. Poor Humphrey. Looks like our resident moral compass isn't such a straight arrow after all."

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Gossip Girl

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