Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Don't You Forget About Me

Their spot in the Park by the pond, where Georgie is wearing an Olsenesque blend of gothic couture and Madonna crucifixes and generally looking like what somebody might imagine a fucked-up teenager with infinite resources and zero imagination would wear. One of the forum posters had the hilariously brilliant idea that each of Georgina's personalities each applies her own eye makeup every day. G starts pretty smooth, like, "Last night was fun and all," but the second Dan's like, "As a moral compass, I have to justify sleeping with you last night as some kind of emotional breakthrough or else what I am is a total slut which is not how I envision myself," but he backs right the fuck off that train when G grabs his hand like a total psycho and goes, "That's why I think we should be together forever!" YEAH!

Dan likes crazy, but not this crazy. He stops dead in his tracks and spills all of the beans. "Serena told me everything. All right? And I believe her." Georgina starts spinning mad lies but they're not as cool as her other ones, she's just like hitting all the buttons in the elevator and hoping it'll hit the right floor: Serena was upset, Serena is jealous, Serena lies all the time, there is a vast conspiracy against me, we are in love, I know you feel our love strongly or else you are a total slut which is not how you envision yourself, and the kicker: "So you're just gonna go back to Serena like nothing happened, and just leave me all alone?" Poor lonely Sarah and poor Lonelyboy, she's saying. Remember how sad you were for Sarah? I'm all alone.

Except she's not, because look who just showed up! Blair Waldorf, out of thin air, baring teeth like knives and producing Georgina's totally awful looking parents, who turn around both at once like Pips just as a bodyguard slides into place behind G. "The only thing feared by the spawn of Satan? Mom and Dad. Leave it to Blair Waldorf to know that bitches don't just happen, they're made, by parents even more wicked than their offspring." Nice social commentary, GG. Georgina's lackluster lying skills today fail even further and she just babbles for a while. Blair is awesome:

Blair: There, there, Georgie. It's gonna be okay...
Mrs. Sparks: -- No, this time, it won't.
Blair: ...Or it won't!

"Your parents were so worried, G! They told me everything! How you're supposed to be on the equestrian circuit, but sold your show pony for cocaine..." (!) G flips into total celeb rehab-speak without a thought, acknowledging that as a "difficult time," but one she's put behind her. "When? When you were in rehab? It's hard to get clean when you hitchhike into town, steal a credit card and book a ticket to Ibiza." G starts to lose composure: "You didn't see where they sent me, I mean, that place was awful! It was... It was in Utah! At least I lasted longer than Lohan!" Georgina!

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Gossip Girl

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