Squash is either deceptively simple or deceptively complex. Because it seems to be about hitting a ball against a wall, and then following that up by hitting the same ball against the same wall. Which seems even more pointless than most sports. I don't know if that's even the point of the game and actually I'm just distracted by the ball and the wall, and the actual game has to do with something else entirely. Chuck says that Marcus is off his game, and then needles him to admit that he's worried about the Duchess, who finds zero girls good enough for him, even "topflight" ones, and always gets inside their heads and ruthlessly exploits their fears. Chuck is like, "I am going to marry the Duchess now that you've said that." Mostly I think that Catherine is twice the cougar we think and that there's all kinds of creepy and awkward coming between Marcus and Catherine, Catherine and Nate and Everybody and Chuck. Probably Vanessa will stick her big stupid face in there too, and I cannot wait for any of it. "Not to mention, she's completely got my father's ear. Of course, Blair is desperate to meet her..." Which, Chuck knows, means she is going to, because it's Blair. I think Chuck wins the game at this point, but then, it's just a game; he asks for Marcus's home number (at the duchy?) under some fake pretext so that he can enlist the Duchess in his evil ploy, and they run off in separate directions. Gossip Girl? Loving it. "Spotted: Chuck Bass, putting his new BFF on speed dial. Is it the beginning of a beautiful bromance? Or the end of Blair's bid to be British?"

Blair runs around with a clipboard loudly managing Dorota's management of Waldorf World: "Well done, Dorota, I like what I'm seeing. Now make the library the sky terrace... ranunculus dahlias, Veuve Clicquot Laurent-Pierre, and I think we have ourselves a party. This guest list, however, is a complete Page One." Dorota protests that it's Blair's friends, and B nearly loses it, shoving the checklist at her: "Then invite strangers!" B calms herself and explains: "I have to present myself as a crown jewel: surrounded by other -- smaller, slightly flawed -- gems, but quality stones nonetheless. And try to round up a couple people who can vote so it doesn't feel like a total high school party." Serena enters and asks WTF they're doing making a party out of nowhere, and B explains that Marcus has decided she's unworthy of meeting his family. S gives a very excellent OMG/WTF, and B continues with her explanation over Serena's multiple protests: "Obviously I have some more work to do... Marcus dated the descendant of Princess Grace. His consort needs to be able to host royal dinners, and hobnob with oligarchs and dictators." S agrees that if anybody can find common ground with a dictator, it's Blair Waldorf. "Dan likes soccer, right? Or football, as Marcus calls it. You think it'd be too weird if he came? You'll call him." Serena asks if that means Blair is willing to admit that Dan has redeeming qualities, but Blair's not giving up the goods that easily: "As long as he knows his arse from his Arsenal, I think he's aces." Serena makes the mistake of bringing up her current turmoil -- the breakup, the makeup, the fruit fellatio and subsequent lavatory lovin' -- and Blair makes a huge blech noise: "What is to think about? You're finally free from Downer Dan --" she takes S's hands in her own and swings them London Bridges style, "-- and I have my old Serena back!" She drags Serena into the bowels of Waldorf World to continue planning this party.