Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Discreet Charming Of The Bourgeoisie

Anne gardens cheerfully, having clearly downed some expired prescription pills with the rest of the household cleaner. She apologizes for scaring Nate this morning, but assures him she's fixed everything. "You didn't tell them where Dad is, did you?" She's like, no! That would make too much sense! "I just got a loan from a ... family friend," whom she will not name. Nate's rightly suspicious: "I just find it hard to believe that you opened up to one of the Book Club ladies and told them we're completely broke..." Anne says that the mysterious benefactor is not in the Book Club, or in fact her regular circle at all, and he's all, "So you asked a random for money?" She insists she asked for nothing, this person just offered and when she begged off he said it was the right thing to do. Right thing to do... Nate has heard that phrase somewhere before. Aha! It's Chuck, who used this same phrase a few scenes back. With that, Nate "quickly" figures out what's going on: "You said he's outside of your regular circle? Is he in mine?" Anne tells him to quit interrogating her and he hangs up on her, promising not to bother her about taking money from his schoolmates again, because he's going to stop it at the source. Because Nate's a gentleman, he remembers to say goodbye to Lonelygirl43 on his way out and compliment her Ikea decorating skills.

Chuck's hanging around some social see and be seen swanky place or another when Catherine enters. She approaches him -- "Charles Bass?" -- and he stands, impressed. "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone so young ... or so beautiful." She tells him that just because she didn't give birth to Marcus, it doesn't mean she's less interested in his well-being or in indulging her own pedophiliac tendencies, so WTF does Charles want because she doesn't usually have meetings with "children." Just sex with them. He comes around the table and holds her chair for her, being a billion times sexier/smarmier than usual, and as GG sums up the scene with typical cutesy witticisms ("Lordy lordy, look who's 40... Or at least a well-preserved 38. We knew Chuck had a thing for older women, but is this risky business or strictly business?"), Chuck prances back to his seat and perches there like Tinkerbell, attempting to smolder at the Duchess, but apparently picturing her as Nate. Which goes to a weird, weird place super fast if you think about it.

We return from commercial with some aerial shots of the city, heading into the doldrums of Blair's Party From Hell. There's a flautist and harpist performing a perfectly fine rendition of something classical, but the people at the party are all bored and awkward and dead inside and it's just perfect. Serena's dress is awesome, that same toga style in a lovely deep violet batik print or something. The song ends, to anemic applause, and even Blair has trouble manufacturing excitement: "Wasn't that wonderful. Thank you, Ingrid and Beatrice." The person to whom she was speaking corrects her ("I'm Ingrid. She's Beatrice.") and Blair gives the most hilariously bitchy line reading of the episode: "That's what I said." She hustles Marcus off with a dead-eyed, fake shimmering "I just love Mozart," but she's so intense and preoccupied she doesn't even hear him correcting her.

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Gossip Girl




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