Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Discreet Charming Of The Bourgeoisie

Outside, Blair's calling for backup. "Things are going south with Lord Marcus." Serena's like, "Who?" That'd be the former James: "It turns out that he was only pretending to be a commoner. It's like Roman Holiday, only I'm Gregory Peck and he's Audrey Hepburn." Serena's response is: Um OK LOL. "He's not really a college student. He's a Lord. And I love him." (This is my favorite line of the entire episode.) Serena accepts this easily, but not the love part: "Blair, love?" Blair swears: "Like, very much. And not just because Tom Hanks gave him a Kleenex at Lady Di's funeral." Serena points out that this is, as usual, all about Chuck, and for some reason Alicia Silverstone takes over Blair's body for a second, starting with her mouth: "Revenge is so twelve hours ago! And just because Marcus happens to be the perfect post-Bass palate-cleanser doesn't mean he isn't a delicious dish in his own right." I mean, the line is total GG, but the way she says it is totally vintage Clueless, right down to chirpy intonation and fricative consonants. Serena accepts the posited soul mate theory and asks what the problem is. This is Blair, so the problem is the usual: "He's being vague about the future." Wow, Speed Racer.

Chuck approaches Marcus inside the café, still wearing his good boy hairdo and that über-smarmy smile. "I was just getting something to eat. Do you mind if I join you?" Marcus admits that he's uneasy, as he's dining with B and is aware that they have history. "Around here, who doesn't? But you're with Blair now. I get that. There's no reason we can't be civil. After all, isn't that a trait your people pride yourselves on?" The meta weirdness of this whole situation, where Brit Ed-as-Chuck is needling Fake Brit Marcus on British stereotypes, is not I think lost on either of them. Marcus agrees that "his people" are all about civility, and shakes his hand with a hilarious "well, for England then..." and Chuck sits. Run, Marcus! This is a short, bumpy road with a rape at the end, trust me.

"Wait, you just found out this guy's real identity," Serena says. "I think it's a little soon to be worrying about the rest of your lives." Which is self-evident reality, which Blair hates like she hates few things. But that's not even the point. The point is not so much the rest of her life as the rest of the year: "It's the season for flings: tennis pros and townies. I'm his secret summer shame!" Serena points out that "fling" implies a certain desultory lack of involvement, which is not something Blair Waldorf or anybody within a mile of Blair Waldorf is capable of enjoying: "You're not exactly low maintenance LOL!" Blair wonders, apropos of summer flings, where Serena disappeared to last night in her gorgeous goddess gown. "Did Lifeguard turn up at the party, or did you find another disposable?" No, and yes; S spots the latter waiting for the jitney and stammers a goodbye, hanging up on Blair with the usual resultant sputtering. She approaches Dan and they have a Stuttering Bee about how one of them was going to take the train and the other the jitney, but now they're both taking the jitney, and they are under no circumstances going to make out, and she excuses herself to sit on the bench away from him.

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Gossip Girl

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