Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Discreet Charming Of The Bourgeoisie

Blair and Marcus discuss his NYC plans, specifically those other than his date with her ex, and he says the Duchess wants to have dinner. "Dinner? I'd love to have dinner with your mother!" Marcus disabuses her of two notions rather brutally. Number one is that she's his biological mother, which she of course is not, "not that this makes her an any-less-forceful presence in my life," and number two is that Blair is not invited to dinner in any way. "We haven't seen each other much all summer, so..." Blair once again falls and rises: "It's just... You'll be missing my big party?" I love the way Leighton plays this scene: it's very specifically celebutante champagne drunk, from the way her head nods and wags around, to her eyes' variable width, to the way she does the "never mind" headshake if she's not up to explaining something. Just the instant vagueness of Blair in the back of a limo telling lies. "I can't believe I didn't mention it. Every year I have a big Welcome Back To The City party for all my friends. It's only my favorite event of the year..." Marcus says he'll get a rain check from the duchess, and Blair says no way does he have to do that, but thanks him. He is, by the way, also totally acting champagne drunk, wobbling around and trailing off at weird parts of words. Aesome. She texts Dorota (911, party to plan!!!) and they smile vaguely at each other; she waves the furious texting off like "you know how it is, we're drunk, don't worry about it." Hopefully that's the explanation for the punctuation abuse, anyway: my Blair certainly doesn't hit three exclamation points when only one is required.

In Chuck's limo, he and Nate are about three seconds from actually having gay sex. I know I joke about it a lot, because it's funny, but this is something new entirely. Plus, Nate is being hilarious: "No offense, but don't you think you're a little outmatched?" Chuck protests that he's been playing squash with Bart since eighth grade (so, two years?) but it is not squash that Nate is talking about: "No, I mean... as a guy." HA! Nate explains that now that Blair has decided she wants to be an actual literal princess, Chuck's greatest achievement -- owning part of a burlesque club -- is not quite so impressive. "Which is why I have to get to know him. See, no one's that perfect. Once I get him out of the way, then I'll have a clear shot at Blair." Nate says that only when you start talking like an assassin do you know it's love; this is exactly why Chuck and Blair belong together and Nate doesn't get it, because he's being sarcastic when the real answer is, "Yes, that is exactly how you know." Chuck accuses Nate of being jealous of his new BFF, and Nate says that he's been waiting for somebody to "tag in" for awhile now, then they make out with each other like two strawberries dipped in gayness. Kidding. Somebody (Anne Archibald) calls Chuck and he answers curtly: "I can't talk right now. I'll have to call you when I'm home." He hangs up, visibly a little freaked out a bit, and does very good acting with the eyes part of his face; Nate assumes, justifiably, that this is related to Blair and tells him to go right ahead. Chuck lets him believe that it does, and they both stare at things: Chuck, worried, trains his eyes out the window, and Nate stares into space without thoughts of any kind. Because it is Nate.

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Gossip Girl

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