"Well, I won't be much longer if I don't find an answer fast." OMG remember high school when the questions had answers? Even a question about the kind of person you are and what your interests and priorities are, even that question has right and wrong answers. I miss that certainty. Chuck tells her to just steal Blair's, since she won't be using it, but Serena is horrified and doesn't want to hear -- so of course he blurts it out. "George Sand." Serena berates him for telling her, then wonders why he knows, and then wonders why Blair would choose "some guy named George." Chuck explains how she was actually a hot girl, which is actually a total lie. She looked like Jordan Steele, and acted like one of those with the bumper stickers that say shit like, "Well-Behaved Woman Rarely End Up Bitter & Lonely Weirdos Like Me" or whatever, and I mean, if you're into socially abnormal ugly chicks, then hell yeah, I'll have those bluestockings off with my teeth, but I've seen Chuck's type, and... Actually if you squint, George Sand kind of does look a little like Nate Archibald. Nevermind. Anyway, she's Berube's favorite writer, and the reason he knows this is, of course, because talking about Yale gets her horny. Serena flees, because now she knows two things she didn't want to know, and one of them will "haunt her" forever.

Jordan and Nate are "making out" Jonas Brothers-style to some, like, Mazzy Star when she abruptly stops kissing him for a quick conversation about Gabriel Garcia-Marquez. I wish that weren't so realistic. Nate stammers and she narrows the field, chuckling, to just Cholera, which he quickly describes as painful. Not just the disease, which is characterized by diarrhea, vomiting and leg cramps, but also the experience of reading the book. She is charmed by his unassuming humor, so unlike most freshman writers, and then the most freshman writer writer of all time knocks on the door. The experience of Dan Humphrey is, coincidentally, also characterized by intestinal distress and sudden cramping.

Dan is visiting Jordan because she's an English TA who works for the Chair of the Lit department, and he hopes she'll do his leg work by getting a professor to read his work and provide a reference. He interrupts himself to note Nate sitting on her bed, waving desperately for Dan not to reveal his identity, and there's a moment of confusion before Dan blithely gets Jordan to understand that the real live Dan Humphrey is standing in front of her, while the fake Dan Humphrey is actually the Captain's son.