Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Love In The Time Of College Applications

Chuck introduces the men of Skull & Bones to their entertainment: triplet sets of whores from an undisclosed European nation, wearing blindfolds to I guess give things a more Fidelio ambience. They climb all over the dudes, and they pretend to be turned on for about five seconds before demanding the cherubic ass of Nate Archibald instead/in addition to. "The girls are all right, but they're just girls. You still need to prove your loyalty." End quote. Chucks swears Nate's not worth their time, but they all start whining the litany of how bad Jimmy Coo... I mean, the Captain, injured their money things. (One of them actually refers to Newport realty, in fact, so it's not even technically a gratuitous link.) "Pull him in. Take him down. You've got one hour." Chuck grins evilly, and it's a credit to this show that I actually thought he would do it for a second.

Serena and some intensely French, faceless lady discuss the films of Lelouch -- Serena's favorite is Roman de Gare even though she's a total Attention bandit!), but when she asks Mme. Frenchy's favorite in turn, she calls her "toi," which is B's cue to sliiiide on up. "Actually it's vous, as a sign of respect. I'm sure that's why you don't know it very well." Except the whole formal/familiar thing is the kind of etiquette where it makes it worse when you point it out, but whatever. Serena tosses back her drink. Blair sticks her hand out and plays the legacy card: Mme. Frenchy was Harold's favorite teacher, and in fact inspired his expatriation to France. Serena rolls her eyes as Blair offers to tell her all about it, and whisks her away. Serena is just like, Lord.

Chuck tells Nate he's been "tied up," but Nate has no time for wordplay because he wants out of New Haven immediately. Chuck admits that he doesn't care to hear the reasons right now, but offers to "get blazed" with him somewhere. Nate heads over to "Mike's Bar," apparently, and Chuck smiles at the fellows. "It's done."

Blair's being completely weird, comparing Henry VIII to Sir Thomas More and discussing his canonization. Serena appears and fully puts some trash in Blair's outstretched hand, then corrects her on the Pope who did the deed. "Most people don't know their popes in succession," the professor marvels, and then abruptly walks out of the scene. Blair takes Serena to task for knowing historical things even though she is no kind of student, and Serena points out the thing I am always striving to point out, which is that the quality of our entertainment is entirely contingent on the viewer, and you can even learn from crap like The Tudors if you remember to think while you're watching TV. Plus, you know, "Henry Cavill is a total babe." She needles Blair about having to come up with a new answer for the Dean's question, and Blair promises she's got something planned that will be a real crowd-pleaser: "It's gonna kill." Girl, what did you do?

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Gossip Girl




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