Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Love In The Time Of College Applications

Lily tries on Serena's black dress, with her gorgeous body, and looks like a weird 80s superhero. It's all angles and shoulders and d├ęcolletage. Downstairs, Jenny runs her last errand with Rufus in tow: dropping off something to go with the dresses they delivered. Rufus figures out where they are and says Jenny's name in a warning tone, but it's too late: there's Lily, looking smokin' in a dress about three years too young, and Rufus's mouth watering so bad he can't even talk. Jenny offers to leave them alone long enough to find some matching shoes, and they make awkward talk because she doesn't want to admit how lonely she is again, but trying to explain her day of playing dressup will make it seem worse, and Serena and Charles are at Yale and Eric has a new boyfriend, so... Rufus compliments her on the dress for like the sixth time, and Lily lights up with joy: "Of course it is! Your daughter made it! You're so lucky to have a daughter that's this good at what she wants to do so early in her life. It's a gift. You had one, too, if I remember correctly..." And I guess Lily saying it means five times as much as the other hundred people who have said this, because you can totally see him change his mind. Jenny comes back down with some Choos and Rufus slobbers all over Lily some more, and when he's gone she smiles so, so hard. Aww.

Nate's at Mike's Bar, getting plastered. Oh! The end of this video made me laugh, I wanted to show you that. Anyway, he's drunk-dialing Charles for the billionth time when the Skull & Boners come in laughing about how they tied "Nate Archibald" to a statue in a gazebo, and Nate drunkenly tries to start shit with them, remembers after five seconds that he's kind of a huge girl, and runs off into the night. Meanwhile, Dan's totally sick body is exposed to the elements, because of course they stripped him ... to his clamdigger-length boxers. Give me a break. Or at least a little of that NYPD Blue action, you know you're going to eventually. (Although to be honest, thanks to True Blood I'm getting about fifty times my weekly recommended allowance of random dude's asses as it is. That is the nakedest show ever.) Anyway, nobody will help Dan or untie him, and Nate tries to untie him and they realize that Chuck set him up, and Dan is ungrateful and rude in about six different ways, and then Jordan randomly walks up and goes, "Step aside, my mom was in the Navy." Which means that... she can untie knots. What? Then what happens next is, I believe, a MMF threesome in a college dormitory, but I am still looking for proof.

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Gossip Girl




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