Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Love In The Time Of College Applications

Blair watches Berube's secretary Shirley dust her impressive array of kitten statuettes and figurines, and listens to the uproarious laughter coming from the Dean's office. "Oh, my," Shirley says to herself in the most Old British Lady way. "The Dean hasn't laughed like that in years..." Eventually the house of mirth spills out into the anteroom, and of course it's the spell of Serena van der Woodsen the Dean has found himself all enraptured by. "It was an utter delight to meet you, Miss van der Woodsen! What a lovely surprise!" Serena gives him one of her patented aww moues and grins at Blair: "And who doesn't like a surprise?" he wishes her well and she giggles affably, shooting Blair a challenging smile. "Looks like he's ready for you," she says, and the Dean invites her in. Serena's look is like, "Poor beastly thing. The rain! In Spain!" even as Blair's shooting death rays. "I've never been more prepared," Blair stammers, and heads inside; Serena's eyebrows wish her luck as she passes by.

The secret of successful bullying is knowing that the best possible outcome is that the person will rise to the occasion. It's not pretty, but speaking as a vintage Mean Girl I can tell you there's always the hope that they'll break out of whatever lame shit they're stuck in, and prove you wrong. Resist this, anybody can tell you, is the true creed of the social assassin. We have only as much power as you give us. Serena's naturally sensitive to territories, it's part of her natural social intelligence; Blair did so much more than invite her in, like an unsuspecting vampire victim: she demanded Serena's presence, pushing just the right buttons to bring her on campus and accomplishing what even a handwritten invitation from one of the secret kings of the world could not. Everything else is just playing the role Blair's set out for her.

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
You'd never dream of breaking this fixation

Jordan explains the basic shit to Nate, somehow sensing that he needs information like, "whatever major you decide on, you can mix it up with electives." She touts the wonder of Yale's choices, and offers as her favorites "The Role Of Sex In Art," and "Great Hoaxes In Archaeology." Nate can't believe they're classes, even though obviously they are, and they laugh about the state of American higher education. We deny minorities and the poor their basic rights to a competitive education so that we can discuss this shit? That is awesome. And then you're telling me at the end of this, I get to contribute to my upper-middle-class family's legacy of accumulated wealth, thus ensuring an ever-widening gap between the legislative and political decision-makers and the peasant class whose poverty and agony sustain the very lifestyle to which I am accustomed? That is even funner! Between ivory tower academia and estate tax loopholes, our entire country will become even more a fiefdom in my lifetime! I am a witness to our racist history! There really are two Americas!

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Gossip Girl




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