Gossip Girl
New York, I Love You XOXO

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 40 USERS: A
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Something About Survival

But if you were wondering how it is that Chuck's plane disappeared with him on it, how it was that Dan was able to smuggle him into the Man of the Year celebration and ruin it, how and why the majority of last week's episode bothered to happen, you will never find out. This is also because Bart Bass's death is not a big deal; in fact, it is a mechanism by which Blair and Chuck can finally just get married and stop being everybody else's problem all the time.

MEANWHILE

Meanwhile, Serena -- on her Bass jet to start a new life in LA, armed only with my scarves and purses inside larger purses -- begins to sound out the words, syllable by syllable, of the Nice Chapter.

Serena: "Tell the pilot this is going to take a while. I'm readin' here."

Nate and Sage have laid out their Carrie Mathison-style index cards and clues to the identity of Gossip Girl on the kitchen island, in a final attempt at rescuing The Spectator, whatever it is, from the clutches of a man who is dead and a legal system that seems mostly indifferent to Nate's fraud.

Nate: "Tell the world this is going to take a while. I'm readin' here."

Ivy calls (?) to tell them to turn on the TV, where they learn nothing except that somebody died somewhere and they're not allowed to say who or where, until they call the dead man's wife and tell him she has been widowed now several times.

Lily apologizes to the lady at the spa for having forgotten to turn off her ringer, and then immediately takes the call anyway. Her impression of "shock and horror" upon hearing about her husband's death is equally sincere.

Ivy calls William van der Woodsen, Lily's first and most devious husband, to tell him the good news: Bart was the reason they had to leave Manhattan and go all the way to the Hamptons, but now he is dead -- thanks, in part, to Ivy -- so it's safe for William to come back to Manhattan, where his bereaved ex-wife, mother of his children, and object of his torturous schemes and obsession is now without husband. Right up until the end, Ivy finds a way to suck so hard it forces other people to mistreat her.

Kaylee DeFer was so cute in the retrospective that aired before this, talking about how her first taste of fame was being spit on by old and young alike, due to the awfulness of Ivy Dickens. Her mouth said, "This is great!" but her eyes said, "Please stop spitting on me."

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Gossip Girl

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