Blair: "Just to contribute nothing helpful, I was thinking we should fly to an island and live off the land."
Uncle Jack: "Um, that's super stupid, but how about you guys get married? Then Blair won't have to testify, telling the truth that would exonerate you."
Blair: "Yes. That would really solve the nonexistent problems here."
Lily: "William, thank God! I was just wondering who I would be marrying next."
Wm vdW: "I just want to be here, with you. And all of your money."
Lily, verbatim: "Oh, God. A funeral. Well... The good news is, we can do the same thing we did the last time Bart died."
Yep. Just hold the same funeral again. Same Bloc Party tunes, same block party atmosphere, Chuck drunk as fuck... Maybe that was when the show ended, really. Now that you mention it.
Dan: "Instead of explaining about the Serena Chapters, I will tell you the mythological origin of this entire show, which will then take up the entire episode. Are you ready."
Serena: "My body is ready. My brain is as good as it's gonna get."
They were at this party. It was one of those early high-school parties where everybody is wearing wigs to look like high-schoolers. It was the first party Dan had ever been to, in his life, so he was very excited. He sold his last matchbook and swept his last chimney and headed out, wearing glass slippers on his stupid Dan feet. Serena was drunk on the stairs, and feeling vaguely like having a conversation with a poor person. "I love Hello Kitty!" she blabbered, out of nowhere. And the rest is history.
Serena: "But wait, how does this story explain anything about why you published a hit piece on me in Vanity Fair?"
Dan: "I will never actually explain that. But you're going to want to stick around for the ending of this incredibly long story."
Nate: "The people in charge of these things just called, and apparently if a guy secretly gets you to defraud him in order to loan you money, and then dies, you get back control of your newspaper and/or web app or whatever unclassifiable deal. Apparently that's the law in this town."
Sage: "The important thing, don't worry about Chuck or his nonexistent problems. Blair Waldorf is like a pit bull about that guy, she won't let anything happen to him."
Nate: "Thanks for reminding me to give a shit, and then telling me why I don't have to."