Gossip Girl
New York, I Love You XOXO

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 27 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Something About Survival

PRADA

Dan: "Have you ever wanted something and know you're not going to get it?"
Serena: "Uh, no. That sounds stupid."
Dan: "Or is it because you're a bitch? Anyway, I realized I could never destroy you enough that you would date me, and I didn't have the balls or class to change myself to be more acceptable or likeable, so I thought, there has to be a third, more awful way to do this. What if I ruined everything for everybody?"
Serena: "Wait, are you Gossip Girl?"
Dan: "Stop ruining it and just shut up and listen, for Chrissake."

Serena's white dress had gotten wet, probably by design, and one girl Dan overheard -- be prepared, there is a lot of Dan creepin' in this story -- was talking about how S would be a laughingstock, and everybody would be talking about her. And then the other girl he was eavesdropping on said, "You're no one until you're talked about."

Dan: "And that's how I came up with Gossip Girl. And also how I learned that Oscar Wilde went to our school."

EMPIRE

As Dan and S are getting rounded up (and he must pause in his epic story about himself) Nate and Sage have, bizarrely, fallen right back into the "we have the power to unmask Gossip Girl" conversation they were having a half-hour ago, as though when we are not looking at them they come to a glass-eyed rest, awaiting further instruction. But this conversation -- which actually started last week, come to think of it, which makes it even scarier -- comes to an end when Uncle Jack shows up to get them for the wedding. They never stop talking about how they know who Gossip Girl is. Which is funny, because they still don't?

In the momentum and rhythm of the episode itself, you wouldn't notice that they're all just circle the same narrative idea in scene after scene, because they're adding up to a sum of parts: It's not about five sets of people having similar conversations, it's one conversation the show is having with you, spaced out over all the characters on the show. Sometimes it's really neat when a show does this, sometimes it isn't, but rarely is it is a sign of craftsmanship or effort.

In this case, it works very well, because the show itself has always worked this way, and if they're bound and determined to reveal somebody on the show as Gossip Girl, it's going to have to play out in this way. Our omniscience has to be highlighted, we have to be thinking in terms of the overall show as a single artifice instead of individual storylines. And for a show that coasted on shipper nonsense for as long as it did, that becomes doubly important to remind the viewer where she's sitting, which is outside the show.

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Gossip Girl

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