Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk

Blair's no help, because this next line was inevitable: "Yeah, I hate to interrupt this fascinating chapter in 'Favorite Moments In Fashion History,' but..." Eleanor's done with her daughter, and grateful to be talking to Jenny again; she's the Eric to Eleanor's Bart and everybody always knew that. She shares the things with Jenny that she can't with Blair, and doesn't even bother hiding it. (Which, if my math is correct, means that she'll eventually make friends with the Dan of Bart -- one Vanessa Abrams -- which is disgusting. Although how awesome would it be if Vanessa made a secret guerilla documentary exposé about Eleanor's child labor violations that somehow, at the last second, Vanessa used to reconcile Blair's relationship with her mother?) "Jackets are tricky," Eleanor says, peer-to-peer, and Jenny nods sagely: "I know. But, um, I also know someone who owes you an all-nighter, and she would be honored." Eleanor wavers a bit before finally giving in, watching Cyrus's face light up: "Well, I think you should tell her that I said... Thank you." Jenny (Jenny would write thank-you notes, if she were literate) honestly and with much poise thanks Eleanor for the chance to make amends, and then -- adorably -- Cyrus literally goes "Yippee!" Even Eleanor laughs at him, because how awesome is Cyrus Rose is a question with an answer that won't fit on this page. He runs off to call the rabbi and tell Aaron the good news.

And where's Aaron? Upstairs, scrambling desperately to triumph over Dan. Who knew when you're brainwashing your high school poon into completely changing who she is and everything she loves and believes in, that all it takes is a douchey high school senior from DUMBO to fuck it all up? Aaron picks up the pace, trying to be as romantic and grown up as possible, like, to the point of becoming a notary public is how far he would go. "I want you to come to Buenos Aires with me for Christmas," he says. (Frankly, considering Chuck and B almost took a private plane to Tuscany last year, S might be more impressed if he was like on Jeopardy or something, because you know Dan would fail at that unless the categories were like, "Films You Think Are Obscure," "Mutual Masturbation With Prep School Dudes," "Pissing Off Literary Luminaries," "The Sweet Bro Soccer Lexicon," and "The World Of Xavier Roberts.")

Serena points out that her life is somewhat in disarray, if he hadn't noticed: "My family is a disaster. My brother is lonely, and my mom is losing it, and Chuck has publicly disowned us..." (Again: the "us" includes Chuck. Nobody questions that for a second, least of all Serena, whose "us" has included Chuck as long as she known him, even when he was trying to rape her over her grilled cheese with truffle oil her first week back in town.) But Aaron, who officially became Public Enemy #1 at some point in this episode, just douches it up to here: "Are you sure it's your family you don't want to leave? Or is there someone else?" Serena doesn't punch him, because how insensitive, but she does at least look at him like he's stupid. "Dan? Is my friend, Aaron." For the one-millionth time, not that Aaron's wrong exactly. "You don't have to worry." Aaron sleazes somehow that he's not worried, because the trip is his "gift" to her and her acquiescing to his orders will be her "gift" to him. She fully goes, "But I already bought you a book!" Which is adorable in many ways, not least the way she says it, but he is not assuaged. "I'll read it on the plane," he says, so she laughs and vacillates, and he touches her shoulder: "Just think about." She nods and brushes his arm, and agrees to do so. Which as we all know means for Serena the opposite.

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Gossip Girl

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