Serena's like, "This is just like when there were three of me doing awful things and nobody believed that it wasn't me, but with Ben instead of me. This is bullshit. Explain your sorcery." But everybody just stares instead, including Ben, because of what a town without pity can do, and even after the break -- as Florence starts singing a harp-heavy, drums-light "Cosmic Love," the finest song of all time -- she's still like, "What, and also his PO just happened to be here? I was born on a Sunday but it wasn't yesterday, jerks. Stop talking! This is... Criminy, this is pernicious! Logic, help a sister out!"

Chuck chases Raina up some stairs somewhere and admits that he was fucking his way to her heart so that he could keep his Empire and his Palace but that it became something more. End result: Raina does not believe him, he cannot be trusted, Thorpes exeunt (threunt).

Which is all awesome, because it's the exact opposite of a classic Valmont speech where the guy lies and says he has no feelings, when he does, because the Marquise is making him do it to prove something about herself. Whereas in this case, it was the Marquise that started up all the feelings in the first place, because she loves him without wanting him. Which is why I keep bringing them up at all: It's a very classic twist on a story these two have already played out, only now instead of just switching roles around, they've flipped the entire script upside down and backwards like some kind of Hofstadter crab canon: The seducer's heart is in jeopardy and nobody believes him, innocent Nate the sex victim is off somewhere thinking about musical theatre, the seductress is in no danger of being shamed, and her prey is making a reconnection to a long-ago lover. Kindly Intentions. Safety-First Liaisons.

While Serena is begging Ben to tell the PO he's not done anything, and Ben too easily is falling into the guilt-trap of one more night in jail he doesn't deserve, Blair's wrangling Nate to help her get the giftbags together now that Epperly's disappeared. "She left with this guy she knew from Oxford," he says, and then adorably fawns, "You should've heard this guy's accent!"

Meanwhile Blair is this close to crazy, tossing off awkward Britishisms and shivering inside herself: "How could you let some toff just punt off with her? Epperly was right, you can't take your eye off the ball. I need to fix this. Let's go." And if he doesn't, she'll tell about his favorite movie. Not Endless Knights, but the all-time favorite, Sound Of Music. "It's got nuns and Nazis! Julie Andrews was hot!" Once you just agree to treat Nate like an adorable pet and keep him in your purse, the most amazing things start happening.