Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Imperial Bedrooms

Eric leans in, obligingly, and begs to hear the story of how Ben Donovan slammed his head through wood paneling last week and caused Damien to look absolutely nuts and immediately call Eric for a date before his pupils had even gone back to being the same size. But what's weird is, no matter how sketchy DD's being all through this stuff, all of what he's saying is true: Ben did jump him, it was scary, it does kind of prove that Ben's not 100% healthy right now, and he did threaten to tattle to the Belgian Ambassador about his son's extracurricular activities.

Plus, we do know from past stories that Damien's dad is, or has been described as, super scary. All of which is a lot of work to go through, storytelling-wise, if it's going to end up being this shaggy dog scenario where Damien uses Eric's feelings for him to pull some Serena-related shit and then gets cut out of his trust fund, the end. You know what I mean? Maybe we're not done with Damien yet after all. (But then it's this show, which moves faster than you can even like think.)

Eric jumps right onto that train: "Okay, that's crazy! I mean, if anyone should have to leave the City it's Ben, not you! That guy is dangerous! I do not want him around my family! Or my friends! Don't go yet, I'm gonna figure something out." Oh, when Eric puts on the Rhodes hat it always gets scary, doesn't it? This is why you have Chuck on speed dial, for situations exactly like this. Unless Eric still hates Chuck, which I wouldn't doubt. There is kind of a double-jeopardy thing, Jennywise, where you can hate Damien or Chuck, but never both.

Chuck complains to Nate -- who's chalking his stick, like he's doing in 90% of the conversations they have this year; guess he misses Carter Baizen as much as we do -- that Raina's not falling for him fast enough: "We're stuck in this... Meaningless mindblowing sex loop." Nate deadpans his sympathies, and Chuck exposits at length about why he wants Raina to fall for him, and why he's in a hurry.

As if Nate has ever been aware of how any of that stuff works: He's usually just standing there, or walking along, and then a crazy girl falls on him from a tree.

"One of my corporate weasels," Chuck says -- to differentiate from his tax weasels and his concierge weasels and his PI weasels and his garden weasels -- has notified him that the Thorpe board (Thoard) is going to vote on their bid for Bass Ind. this very night. I'm assuming it is this selfsame weasel that will shortly be informing Thorpe of this information he just informed Chuck with, which let me inform you of the moral of that story, it's: Don't refer to people as "weasels," it's rude.

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Gossip Girl

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