Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Serena Also Rises
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

"When the white tents blossom in Bryant Park, it can only mean one thing: Fashion Week." Gossip Girl thinks about this for a moment, over unremarkable shots of fashion people and fashion things; people thinking fashion thoughts and wearing fashion fashion and drinking Vitamin Water. "The time of year when any Park Ave princess would trade her last Prada Pochette for front row seats to the best shows. And we hear the seating chart to Eleanor Waldorf's show is being made by our very own B..."

Amid a fashionable hustle and bustle, Blair has chosen once again to rock the pilgrim funeral look, having returned to a soberer self now that she's reprioritizing, and manipulates the seating chart for the Waldorf show, which is what she was born to do. She points out to her mother a particular art director who's just run off with the husband of a photo editor, in what we assume is a hilarious expositional "blind item" of sorts relating to adulterous and more than likely deeply uninteresting art directors and husbands of editors of photos, and so, Blair explains, she seated the entirety of Vanity Fair between them. Eleanor is grateful for the help, and B quips that she wanted to "avoid a catfight in front of the catwalk," playing -- you see -- off the linguistic similarities between the two heretofore unlinked portmanteaus. This is quite humorous, even to Blair's mother, who provides her with a minim of that attention and approval for which Blair unceasingly strives: "I told Laurel my daughter could make a better seating chart than that drug-addled publicist. It's a blessing she was hauled off to rehab for stealing her son's Ritalin." Still not as funny as when she ran those bitches over in the Hamptons. Just ran them the fuck down.

"And you and Serena will be with me backstage, of course?" Blair exposits loudly that this is their most sacred tradition, and that entire nations rise and fall on their successful commencement and completion of this duty, et cetera, and mentions that she has seated the Plastics and Hangers-On in the second row, and both Eleanor and her daughter agree that it is good to bribe one's compatriots with privileges, and to presumably manipulate them with the threat of taking away said privileges without cause or notice, thus making Blair the subject of "worship." Eleanor squeezes her face somewhat affectionately, and thinks privately about how it's Blair's obesity that's really the problem.

Daniel Humphrey and his fair sister make their way through a sunny crowd of be-uniformed hateful youths -- here a Dalton, there a St. Jude's, all united in disgust that Dan continues to draw breath -- discussing the ways in which not their poverty but their own self-destructive shame about their poverty has resulted in behavior ranging from the pathetic (being mean to Serena) to the sociopathic (shoplifting from friends), which has in turn resulted in the two of them being exactly where they belong: in near-boiling water, invisible and for all intents without sovereign existence. And yet there seems not a great deal of malice in it, just a sad regret of all that oxygen wasted, and I certainly shouldn't wish to overstate the case. After all, as Wharton wrote: "It is less mortifying to believe one's self unpopular than insignificant, and vanity prefers to assume that indifference is a latent form of unfriendliness." Dan's insignificance borders on the cosmic. And yet ...the central figure; the pivot point around which our universe revolves. Call it The Dan Show.

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Gossip Girl

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