Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Serena Also Rises

Just as Jenny Humphrey receives a text that the models are ready at Fashion Week and her services are immediately required, Headmistress Queller summons her into the office without a word. Elsewhere, Lily is grilling Bex about the mysterious buyer of the bellybutton photo. "You already know the man who bought it," Bex says, intrigued by this whole messy business. "Your husband. Bart bought it anonymously. I had to call in a favor with a friend at Sotheby's to get his name." Lily is convinced that nobody knew about the Mapplethorpe photograph, even though the auction materials would have already been through production by now, and he's a famous artist and whatever; Bex is like, "How could that possibly be a coincidence, stupid?" She assures Lily optimistically that it was definitely purchased as a gift, and Lily hops to apply the lipstick to this particular pitbull of an overstep: "I hate to say that I'm surprised that he knows me so well, but that is the kind of husband I've always wanted."

Jenny presses fashion flesh and admires fashion hats, easy in the fashion environment and refreshed by Vitamin Water. Serena enters with Poppy and quickly finds her seat: separated from the other socialites in the back row. She asks an intern for help, and Blair runs up to act like a crazy bitch, but Jenny assures the poor intern that Serena should be up front. Blair's shocked that Jenny came through after sabotaging her like that, and Jenny reminds her once again that this moment isn't about Blair or Jenny, but about Eleanor. They fight over the seat and the intern nearly cries, but Eleanor appears and settles Serena's location, calls Blair a useless fuckface, and gives Jenny a giant lollipop and a piggyback ride backstage, where she presents her with a pony just so Blair will I guess kill herself.

Chuck sits alone in that same bar and calls his dad, who is totally rude and has no time for Chuck or his devilish ways. Dan watches Chuck feel deeply disenfranchised and fatherless for awhile, and then walks over with a huge boner. "So, was that really the best you had last night?" he asks conspiratorially, as nerds have been misguidedly doing to their tormentors since Bill Gates was a virgin. "Don't tell me that was the great Chuck Bass!" He shoots Chuck an admittedly sexy smile, which in combination with his literal, explicit request for yet more abuse at his hands, sends Chuck over the edge in a particularly Georgina Sparks/Dark Phoenix Serena/You Think You Know Crazy, I'll Fuckin' Show You Crazy way: "...Stick around."

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Gossip Girl

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