Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Serena Also Rises

Serena, convinced by the many metaphors Poppy has supplied, goes looking for her dress, because of course she's walking the finale, and Blair runs up with a hard smile, proffering a mysterious garment bag. Serena's eyes grow wide with delight, because apparently Blair has pulled it together and stopped being insane for a second, and she's really happy, because she hates it when Blair's sad, and she hates the problems it causes for everyone on the earth. "This will be beautiful on you," Blair says with a loving smile: "It's for the finale." Serena asks if she's sure, but the whole thing just went so gauzy and sugar-sweet that she might be asking if this is actually happening or if she's stroking out. Blair ushers her toward the door, and she laughs, pleased beyond the telling of it. And all alone backstage, Blair makes that one face she sometimes makes, which is like, "What. On Earth. Did I just fucking do. I am so terrifying to myself I can't even believe it! The dark mystery of me must never be solved!"

"I was blind, unforgivingly jealous of what had happened to him. The fact that I took it as a matter of course did not alter that any. I certainly did hate him."

Serena grins and works it down at the end of the runway for about ten minutes. Which is ridiculous, except that this show is ridiculous, and we're going for a tone where Serena has It and no mean feelings in her heart, and that's all she's got, and it's pretty much enough. Backstage, Jenny's looking around for Serena, but Blair -- now totally wide-eyed and freaking out at her own apocalyptic asshole-ness -- points at the stage. "You mean Serena's on the runway of Eleanor Waldorf's show in a design not made by Eleanor Waldorf? Oh, dear." You gotta commit. Jenny thinks about committing some murder, but just then Eleanor walks up like, "The heck?" Jenny admits that it's her dress, and instead of pointing at Blair's motherfucking horns and tail, which are now visible, just feels too terrible to even ankle-dip in apology. Eleanor runs around like a lunatic, and Jenny's left alone with Blair. Yeah, Humphrey. Poke the bear. I fuckin' dare you.

Blair doesn't even look at Jenny. She can't take her eyes off the runway, and doesn't have any answers for Jenny anyway. "I waved the white flag at school, why don't... Why don't you just claim your throne and leave me alone?" And Blair -- with a flick of her eyes toward the stage -- finally breaks. "BECAUSE I CAN'T!" Jenny figures it out suddenly, and apologizes for not getting it earlier -- although to be fair, she hasn't been around for two weeks, so why would she know? Oh: Gossip Girl. But she's a career woman now and doesn't have time for that shit, maybe? She's certainly managed to get onto the Eric van der Woodsen maturity curve this season, I'll give her that. "You might be privileged, Blair, but you work for every single thing you've achieved, like me. Serena just glides through. I wanted to be your friend last year, for a reason. I wanted you to like me." Aww! No reaction, needless to say, and she leaves with a graceful ankle dip, having managed to shake just the right words at the right time out of her confused, pretty little head.

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Gossip Girl




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