Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Serena Also Rises

"Invisible suits me. I can go to school unshowered, I can forget to dress, nobody cares." People care, Humphrey; it's merely a less pleasant fate to speak with you than to smell you. "And now I have all the time in the world to focus on my Yale application, so..." All right, it would seem that Yale has now gone from solely Blair's dream school, to ... everybody's. Serena shall forsake Brown, Dan defects from Dartmouth ("Seems that Dartmouth's whole English department was poached by Yale"), and Nate...

Well. Let us not indulge our innate insensitivity to the problems of the rich and beautiful by focusing on the things Nate Archibald was simply not constructed to do. Those activities and pursuits for which he was specifically constructed have proven time and again to bring in income at a rate necessary to sustain an entire family's lifestyle on the Upper East Side, even in these troubled economic times; and besides, it's much less crude to admit our failings and disadvantages, working in tandem with them to most perfectly fulfill our potential, than stubbornly to ignore them, as though they were never there. Building these so-called "castles in the sky" is ill-conceived, especially when it's perfectly fine -- and, in some parts of our nation, laudable -- to live somewhat nearer sea level. For example, one might say, "I do think that Nate would make a lovely and attentive gardener!" Or, "That beautiful smile would so delight the lives and enhance the experiences of each customer upon their entry through those hallowed Wal-Mart doors."

In any case, having burnt through the good graces of Jay McInerney, Daniel has turned to the less-physically desirable but more powerful elfin graces of Noah Shapiro, Paris Review editor, once-rowdy blackguard-bewilder, Kerouac sympathizer and Cassady wannabe, and "pot 'o gold" sentinel and guardian -- who will be selecting those stories best suited for submission to the Yale Admissions department from among Dan's no-doubt girthy oeuvre, in exchange for nothing worthier than his immortal soul and what shred of self-respect Dan has managed to wrest from the clenched teeth of reality. In return, Jenny (or, as he calls her, "sorella mia," because he is a prig) simply refuses to explain to him that she has been contending with that dragon that strikes so many impressionable girls at about that time in life when they are proven to possess that sort of rare talent which, while constantly being discussed, is never truly evidenced nor quite believable. I speak -- of course -- of the Demon, Truancy.

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Gossip Girl

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